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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

yeah its getting silly re fires nothing really burnt here except trees. theres millions of hectares of them @Zoe7

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Glad today was another good day even if it felt long @Zoe7

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @MDT that’s indeed a worthy tome (Carl Jung’s deep body of work) so now I’m wondering if you’ve waded (pun intended) into Oscar Wilde’s “The importance of being earnest”?!?

Go @Zoe7 on dinner & work prep

Special hellos to @Shaz51 & @Former-Member - hoping there have been some easy parts to your day.

Week 3 today of my new job which is going well I think. Must dash out again an to an inservice (unpaid but that’s ok) & am interested to see what we are taught in a practical session about therapeutic interventions. I’ve felt pretty good in terms of mood & cognition over the last few days. Makes me realise how sick & impaired I was in my functioning but I suppose that’s all part of the journey too. Really wish I had more energy & some ambition but I think that might be gone for good with the meds & the hypothyroidism (actually the latter is being effectively treated according to last blood test). Better hit the road now. Have a good evening everyone @Snowie @TAB @eth

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

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Great to see you checking in and updating us how you are going @Sam3 It does sound like there are some positives in your world and that is good to hear. You also sound like you are getting through work better too. It certainly does help when our mood and cognition is better. I hope you enjoy your session tonight and get something out of it

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

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Sounds like you’re doing well @Sam3 thanks for the tag

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

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Lol Nah not yet @Sam3
All in good time methinks

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Daily update ... @Faith-and-Hope @MDT @TAB @Sam3 @Snowie @eth @Teej @CheerBear @Sans911 @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @Adge @BlueBay and all following along...

Had a really good morning. My little boy in my reading group that layed on the floor banging like a drum last week actually contributed today. He read the book we were all reading and then read the book he brought with him also but he did give us some relevant facts and talked to me after the lesson so that is real progress. We will work slowly on getting him to do the rest of the work that the group does but I am more than happy with how he behaved and contributed a little today.

Worked with my usual couple of boys for maths after recess and they actually got the work today so that made me feel good as well. They just need one on one time so they are not disruptive in the class when they don't get it.

Took some kids to the library after luch to do their individual projects and got really into helping one girl who wants to look at abstract artists. Introduced her to Kandinsky and Matisse and she had a look at some art from many different artists - it was, as you could imagine, a nice afternoon helping her.

After school I sat with another teacher and helped her to navigate a computer program for recording student learning plans - she had never been taught how to do it so was very grateful for my help. Felt a bit like I was staring into space by the end of it but we got a bit done.

Was asked today to take the 3 prep classes on Friday as we have many teachers out and the prep teachers still need to finish their testing. I am NOT a prep teacher but will read them a story and get them to do some activities around the book - I have chose a Paddington book as they are doing the letter P this week ...and because I love Paddington Bear and it is also about rainbow colours - plenty of arty stuff I can do with that

Fur babies fed and me next then settle in for a very quiet night. Hoping everyone has had an okay day and your night will be peaceful

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Way to go Zo 😄

@Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

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Thanks buddy. I really didn't want to go to work this morning but glad it was an okay day @MDT

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

way to go sister @Zoe7

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