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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Former-Member but not my thread - just one I started and post on most often - I would like to think that anyone who wishes to can post here incuding yourself but I also understand you want to keep updates altogether on the one thread also.

It is frustrating with work but as I said there is nothing I can do until they have sorted it out with the Principals of whatever schools they have contacted. I do hope the school I end up going to is close to home. Hopefully that will help me to be home early and be able to do things that I enjoy that aren't work related.

I just realised that the Hurricanes game starts at 4pm so I won't be going to the pool today - might go tomorrow after DBT and pdoc as I have an early morning GP appointment. I have definitely pencilled in Thursday to go though and hoping I know something about work by then too.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hello @Teej@Zoe7@Former-Member@Appleblossom@MDT

I’m on lunch break so briefly wanted to say I really hope your day is improving @MDT Decided to email boss re redundancy notification & payment- the silence is deafening. Also deafening silence from the second interview from Friday re job offer. I’m delaying calling back 1st interview person who left message as don’t know about the other one which assured me there would be an email offer of employment today. Bit emotive seeing child no 2 have his final ‘back to school’ & loved going into classroom of my 9yo. @Zoe7 you’ve left a post which I’ll read later but sounds like your day is better than yesterday. Bye for now 👋

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7

Uncertainty about important issues in our lives does make it difficult to prepare all manner of things - whether is actually preparation of classes or just what we feel comfortable about in our hearts and minds - it seems to me that although it's about different issues entirely we both have things going on that could make a major difference and this has to be hard to cope with -

It is for me - I feel as if we are swinging along together here

You had a positive session with your therapist - you have done a lot over the summer - esp working in your garage and making it weather proof - you will be able to work there in anything but extreme weather which is really good. Also you have made tremendous efforts in your life - you really have - it is very encouraging to read about it

We all miss @Faith-and-Hope - I will be glad when she is back too - she does have a really calming presence for me - for many of us I am sure - you too

It will be great to know what classes you will be taking and when it starts - I would have imagined that they would have all of that prepared by this stage in the school holidays - but of course - not the case - I think school goes back this week in Victoria - yesterday was a public holiday and I don't think the kids are back today - I don't know when they go back in Tassie - I can look that up

I am still trying to make my mind up about my next holiday which will be a whole week - Lakes Entrance would be great - I can organise that without the agent - but there are fires in Gippsland - the weather ratings are very high there and probably I will be more likely to go to Hobart

At Wrest Point I can walk for ages and still be on the complex - and I get breakfast in my room - always welcome that - and even get icecream in the middle of the night if I choose - 24 hour restaurants there - and walking along beside the estuary -

How are the bush fires there atm - I know they will still be burning in deep valleys - this I have seen from the air before now - but I am caught between holiday choices right now - perhaps I should go to the moon -

Anyway - I still need that coffee - I had better have a cup of coffee and something to eat before I go and see the doctor

All the best Zoe

Dec

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7 @Sam3

A whole mess this morning about the visa application. Whole heap of last minute crap they failed to do for me.. Why pay the people money if they don't do the job properly. Anyways. That's all done. Thank God.
Having a late lunch now.
Still feel crap from the morning but I guess it's progress ahead in the right direction.

I'm getting a bit depressed lately. Just about all of this. Idk why... MH could be worse I guess but then could be better.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 I had a read of your post. Sounds to me like you are continuing to kick goals. And plenty of them too.
I am really happy for you. You've been doing a lot. You are a good role model for many of us here on forum land.

You have a right mind about what's going in around you. Your psych is helping and you are making some strides. You mentioned your man friend. 😛
Thats even better. Understandable that you are trying to navigate the emotions. That can be like steering a ship through a ravine. But you are managing. This is what matters.

🚩 😎 🐶📣 @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Good move on the email, @Sam3

Also I know the deafening silence too. Not hearing back is a bum

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

For all following along...

Had a call from HR - they had identified a school but it was to be full-time from the beginning of the year and on a grade 1/2 - neither of which was ideal for me so they are going to continue looking. At least I know that they are doing the work and I will hear when they have it sorted. It is not exactly the news that I wanted but it does mean that they are making it a priority nd trying to work with me to make it easier to start. They are now looking for 4 days a week and on an upper primary grade (3-6). At least that way I know I have taught those grades before and can hit the start of the term on my feet rather than having to begin right at the start of learning a new curriculum level as well as getting used to a new school.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Sam3 I hope you get some answers in regards to your work situation today Hon. This waiting is not good for us.

@MDT I am glad the Visa stuff is sorted now despite the issues you had to deal with. You are right that you pay people to deal eith this stuff and that is what they should be doing

@Owlunar The weather is beautiful in Hobart at the moment but there is still a lot of smoke in the air from the fires. None of them in the centre of Tassie or further down south are under control and alerts are still in place for those areas. The wind is not helping but hoping for rain on Thursday to help.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

At least it is a start @Zoe7 and they are looking. Fingers and toes crossed something comes through soon.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes at least I know what the HR person is saying to me is actually what they are doing @Snowie I honestly don't care which school it is at but I do hope to have a 3/4 so I know what I am teaching. I have had a 3/4 the most and know the curriculum well so that gives me an advantage under difficult time frames.

How are you doing Hon?

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