Am Not Coping

Glad your visitors made it home safely @Former-Member and that you survived the weekend too.

You did such a lot of preparation for your visitors and deserve the rest now.

I have slept most of today or lazed around on the couch - just one of those days - but tomorrow is a new day so getting an early night tonight if possible and starting new tomorrow.

Hi @Sam3 responding to your post a few pages ago. My child is now an adult 30 yo and having a family of their own. They left home at 19 and have had the same partner all this time and now have 2 young children. I think their disability has made them even more determined to live independently.

Things are somewhat better for me these days, especially since I came to live in a cabin in my bro and sil's back yard. Their support is amazing after 3 decades of almost no support from anyone, long chunks of that time I was estranged from family and isolated with very few friends. After each new traumatic event I withdrew from the world for longer periods of time. They are helping me get more independent again, as is NDIS funding so I now have support workers to get out and about.

Thanks for asking.

Hope your day is going ok so far.

Good morning to others here too @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Shaz51 @BlueBay @MDT et al.

@Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear @Teej @Former-Member @eth @Former-Member @Shaz51 @BlueBay @MDT @Sam3 @Sans911 @Snowie @outlander @Appleblossom @Owlunar @Maggie @Former-Member @TAB @Adge @TheVorticon and all following along with my journey here...

Had a good session with my psychologist this morning. We discussed my sleeping (or lack of it some nights) and what has been happening for the past couple of weeks. We both agree that the not knowing about work is probably adding to my sleep issues. She would rather me not increasing my meds again and thinks the same as me that once I am back working I will be more likely to sleep longer at night.

We also talked a lot about my 'friend' and I told her everything he has told me. She believes that him being so upfront is a good sign (I do agree with that) and also that things seem to be developing on my timeline and that he is being respectful of that. From a message I got from him this morning it does seem that he is more open now to things moving forward with us but I am still very guarded and have told him as much. I honestly don't know where this will all lead but I think I feel more relaxed about some things after talking it out with my psych. There are still things I need to work through on my own as well and I do feel like I am leaving him a bit in the dark but they are too hard to talk about - and I have those 'I don't want to be hurt again' feelings so I really am taking this very slowly. If that is not what he will allow me to do then he is not the right person for me anyway.

I also talked about how much I am looking forward to @Faith-and-Hope being back soon but also how wonderful everyone here has been keeping me occupied and connected while she has been away. Psych was very happy for me that she will be back soon - she gets how much I have missed her Not long now F&H and you will be back with us

We are not looking into any of my trauma or past but instead continuing to focus on the here and now and moving forward - everyone (psych, pdoc and GP) is on the same page with this and that is good for me as we are all working towards the same goals.

Psych asked about my painting and how it was going and I had to say I haven't been in the right headspace to do any more but I have done a lot in the garage and that was a big project to undertake. Since I saw her last the roof, wall and shelves have all been done and I can now work in their in any weather (except the extreme heat we have had).

I also talked about how much I have enjoyed the tennis this year and that maybe next year I could actually go to Melbourne again to watch live - that is a long term goal and will also depend on money - working less hours this year it will be tight but I should be able to get on top of it in a couple of months.

Rang HR again this morning and still no answers. The HR person is waiting for Principals to get back to her and she can't do any more until that happens. I did know that would need to be done but you would think that Principals that didn't have their positions filled would be getting that organised ASAP - so more waiting. She did say that I will have a position by the time school goes back next week so at least I know I will be paid - just getting really close to going back and difficult to organise anything. She could not even tell me possible grades until she hears back from Principals. This really is pacing extra stress on me as I like to be organised and the timing of it all means I will not be able to do that - very frustrating but nothing I can do about it until I hear from HR.

I am going to get some more tings done in the garage today - it is warm now and expected to get hotter so going to move some things inside to sort out - it will mean I have more 'mess' inside but it needs to be done and it is cooler inside the house with air con

I am also planning on going to the pool later today if I get enough done - need to get back in that routine and I know the pool is soothing for me - it is probably just what I need to relieve some of the stress I am currently feeling - and hopefully will help me in sleeping tonight too.

I hope everyone is doing okay themselves today - sending you all some light to get through your day

Not good that you are having a shite day @MDT I do hope it gets better for you buddy - listening eyes on if you need

You have caring ears as well. @Zoe7

@Appleblossom 😀💜💙💚🧡💛

Hey @Zoe7. Good to hear you are still going ok with all that you are juggling just now.

i hope they give you time to prepare a bit when you hear re your job. Have this going on for you

i too have been thinking about @Faith-and-Hope and that she must be getting close to coming back.

Words are escaping me a bit today but wanted to thank you for the update and wish you well.

Thanks for everything being crossed @Teej - love that image

You don't need words - your continuing support is enough - it has been a long. crazy ride for us hey Hon - but we are both getting there

Yes it is nearly time for our F&H to come back and I know I am not the only one hanging out for that day - can't wait

Hi dear @Zoe7

Glad to hear that your psych session went well today. Sounds like you covered a lot of ground. I'm also pleased that talking to her has helped you sort through some of the more 'tricky' feelings around your friend.

Sorry to hear that you still have no word on where or who you will be teaching. Being a super organised person myself, I know how much that rankles - the not knowing, the not being able to prepare adequately. The need to be organised and super prepared is often a trait that those of us with PTSD develop, even if its not an inborn characteristic. Perhaps you can think of it this time as a little reminder that, too often, you take on much more than you need to, or indeed should. Dont allow your work to take over and dictate your life.

Its good that all your MH team are on the same page with your progress and intent to focus on the here and now, and moving forward from there.

I've read that you've had a couple of days of feeling unmotivated and 'blah'. Those days happen. But despite that, you are still getting through those days and still achieving things even on your worst days. I'm happy to hear that the psych is advising not to increase the night meds, and to instead allow the routine of work to hopefully help with sleep patterns again.

Enjoy your swim this afternoon, another routine which is important to get back into.

Thanks for your well wishes to all those of us who follow you on this thread. I will try to post a bit of an update on my own thread later, rather than clutter up yours. 😊 Hi everyone here - @Faith-and-Hope@CheerBear@Former-Member@Shaz51@BlueBay@Sam3@Sans911@outlander@Appleblossom@TAB@Maggie and others - I too wish you all a day which provides at least occasional glimpses of light and happiness.

Sherry 💕⭐🌺