Am Not Coping

That is very kind of you @Sam3 and glad that my words have helped you. That is the wonderful thing about this forum though - we all have experiences that when shared can leave others feeling less alone in what they are going through. Feeling less alone is certainly what I get most out of this community and despite the reasons that brought us all here it is heartlifting to know we have that support here.

It was really nice of you to call your colleague - those are not always good conversations to have under the circumstances

It seems like you have done a couple of things today so despite your flat mood you are still getting things done - even the smallest things make a difference Hon.

Hi @Former-Member I see you’re online at present. How are you going? I’m trying to put washing away & feeling crappy (I think I’m making things worse for myself perhaps by telling myself things should be different). Everything seems too hard & I just can’t accept that I’m this dysfunctional. Hormones may be playing a hand today too

Okay thanks for the update @Zoe7 on the cricket. I'm completely devastated that Sydney lost. 😢 🏏 Going to take my bat and ball and go home with the sulks. No not really ... I'm happy for Bris Heat, they played better than Sydney today, and deserved to win. 😊💔

Thanks @Zoe7 @Sam3 for your kind words re being conductor of the 'B Flat' orchestra. 🎵🎶🎼🎺🎸

Okay, back to work for me. Finished in the kitchen and been watching some of the Aust / Sri Lanka cricket. Pat Cummins, my favourite current test player, is having a great game with a number of wickets. Now, beds to make up in the spare rooms. Hot in there too.

Sherry

Oops, about to log off and noticed your post come in @Sam3. We must have been posting at the same time.

As mentioned in the post I just sent ... Doing okay with necessary tasks. done as much as I can for tomorrow food and prep wise. Just bedrooms to prepare now, and perhaps a bit of a cleanup of bathrooms and living areas. Urgh ... now where was my cleaner this week?

Hey well done with doing the washing. Thats progress and a good job out of the way. Umm yeah, hormones can play a part sometimes. I'm pretty much past that ... thankfully. But there again I never really had much impact from hormones even when I was younger, cant blame my issues with that. You reckon you're dysfunctional? Gosh ... whatever would genuinely dysfunctional people think about that? Dear me ... you work, you have a still young family, you're applying for jobs in between current work. All sounds pretty functional to me. You are selling yourself way way short.

Okay, so I must get more done. Cannot waste these rare moments of motivation!

Sherry 💕

I totally agree with @Former-Member here @Sam3 - you are way more functional than some - especially with all you do in your week. Getting to work is one thing but actually doing your job ...and very well otherwise this new company would not have offered you ongoing employment - plus your family and applying for other jobs all shows you are very much functional. Depression makes us feel like none of that is enough but it really is. I guess the question you need to ask yourself is what would you be doing differently if you felt 'better' - maybe make a list of those things (yes I do like lists) and begin crossing some of them off when you feel a little more motivated - or at least have some goals to work towards. It is always easier to accept the mundane also, the daily routine of working and family obligations - and that is not unique to people with depression but is societal wide is so many areas. It seems like you want to do more with your life than you are currently doing and depression doesn't have to stop those ambitions but 'life' sometimes gets in the way. Begin by finding a little space for yourself each week and doing things just for you. I paint or get out in the garden - they may not seem like much but for me they are big things. We all have things we enjoy and the trick is finding the passion again for those things and including those in our weekly routine,

@Former-Member You are doing really well today getting things done - go you 🎉

The Heat girls did deserve in on the day but it was closer than you would have expected half way through their innings. The Sixers came back well with a few late wickets but the Heat composed themselves to win.

Back home now and watching the test match as well (after the break) They should be able to get the last 5 wickets pretty quickly this afternoon.

Thanks @Former-Member for the reality check re dysfunctional & your other comments. Hope you’re steering that motivation you’ve found to get what you want done.

Thanks @Zoe7 for your response. I like your idea of one pleasurable activity but I honestly can’t seem to get pleasure from any activities I can think of (I can’t seem to be in the moment because am stuck in my pointless mental anguish but will maybe try drawing, painting or colouring in). It seems best when my brain is fully focussed on something but nothing much drags my brain away from pointless rumination! By the way, I think the new company are happy with anyone - didn’t even ask for referees! @Zoe7 did you enjoy time with your sister?

I think you are selling yourself short there @Sam3 - they would have done their due diligence before taking over so would already know your employment history and I expect your reputation and that holds a lot of weight. Yet again you are underestimating your own abilities but that is natural when we don't have a very good opinion of ourselves

I did enjoy the visit to my sister's - Toby decided to make it extra interesting and run off to the neighbour's place but we think it was because he couldn't find me and went looking rather than go straight inside. He will need to be supervised on subsequent visits though whilst in the back yard.

Just deciding what to get for dinner tonight - thinking salad again as it is easy ...and I do love salads. What is on the menu for you tonight?

Good evening @Zoe7@Former-Member@MDT@TAB@CheerBear

Thanks for your reply @Zoe7 & hope Toby doesn’t wander too far next time. I love that name! What sort of dog is he? Hope you enjoyed your salad. In answer to your question my tea was ‘nibbles’ really. I’ve just got back from snacking at a ‘street party’ at a park area - quite a neighbourly-minded bunch so about 20 people turned up.

@MDT did you meet anyone new?

@Former-Member no doubt you’re all sorted for your guests. I thought of you when talking with one of the neighbours who married a fellow with complex PTSD (army & federal police & childhoods trauma) who was medically retired at age 37.

@TAB have you walked today?

How are you going @CheerBear ?