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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

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@Sam3 above message also for you

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Hello fellow flat (and unmotivated) feeling people 🙂👋

Making an orchestra of us all sounds oddly great. I'll bring pancakes. Delicious but flat food 😁

I'm about to try and unflatten myself in a shower after this hunt for motivation that's surely hiding in the bottom of coffee number too-many-to-be-OK-with-admitting-to-myself, and replying to a thread over ⬆️ somewhere.

Hope everyone has something that feels OK enough in their day, even with the current feels ❤

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I would like to be on drums - maybe some of those tricky and unmotivated feelings can be banged out on those @CheerBear @Sam3 @MDT @Former-Member lol

I have a name for our orchestra ...B flat lol

I am going to settle in and watch the remainder of the women's 20/20 final - nearly half way through - then get my butt into gear this afternoon and out into the garage.

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😂 B flat! Clever and love it @Zoe7! 😆😆😆

Catchya later musicians 😉❤👋

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I can be a smart little cookie sometimes @CheerBear - I like that one myself - even gave myself a little smile

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Ha ha @Zoe7, love our orchestra name - B Flat.

I thought Sixers didnt have enough runs on the board, but they have got a couple of early Heat wickets now. So they are definitely in contention. Go Sixers! Yes, I know they won the last few years, but they are a great team. But ... I wont be too disappointed if Heat win. I suppose .... 😟

Trying to get motivated here, while I watch the cricket. Got lunch done for hubby and fed him early so he can go back to bed for his usual post-lunch sleep. Now I am cooking some brown rice in order to make a yummy rice salad for tomorrows BBQ dinner with all our visitors. Will put the salads together tomorrow of course, but getting as much stuff done today as possible. Lamb chops and salads (nutty brown rice salad and a simple tossed salad, plus corn cobs) followed by trifle. Jelly done already, the rest of the trifle I will throw together tomorrow. Guests arriving prior to lunch so will get fresh bread and cold meat for assorted sandwiches, and a nice fruit platter (melon, pineapple, grapes, red papaya). Should be good and kids will eat all that as well. I hope! Will make up bedrooms and beds later, once the cricket is finished.

Hi @CheerBear @Sam3 @MDT @TAB. I hope you manage to find motivation somewhere during your day too.

Sherry

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Yeah the heat could have done without losing those 2 wickets but they are still right up there if they continue batting with these two at the wicket @Former-Member I know you are a Sixers fan through and through so would be very happy for you if they won

Our Hurricanes had a dismal year and I haven't seen as many of the women's games this year - stupid times they are on. I tend to watch more sport at night and not many night matches on.

It sounds like you have everything under control for tomorrow's lunch - it all sounds really lovely - I might pull up a chair in the garden and join you lol

My sister was talking about going to the beach tomorrow but not sure I will be up to it - see how I go today and if I actually get anything done.

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Heat are getting a good go on now, with a really big over just finished. I think they should go on to win now. @Zoe7

Yeah lunch is easy tomorrow. Step-son, daughter in law and 4 grandkids will arrive here around 11am tomorrow. So lunch is easy with assorted sandwiches and a fruit platter. Can throw that all together quickly and easily. Quick trip into town to get fresh bread, I have everything else I need.

BBQ dinner in the evening is not so easily sorted. Not only do we have the family visitors, but hubby also wanted to invite a few extra mates of his. So we have 14 in total for BBQ dinner tomorrow. Early though ... 5pm arrival ... and hopefully eating around 6pm. At least the kids will, if not adults. They will probably want to swim in the neighbours pool between lunch and dinner, so should be kept busy for the afternoon. That will allow hubby to get his usual sleeps in after lunch. Visitors staying here and at neighbours granny flat, which is only 100 meters from our front gate. Not room here for all of them.

Unfortunately its going to be even hotter tomorrow than it is today. So we will all be looking for somewhere cool. Much too hot outside, so it will all likely be indoors in the air con. Which is unfortunate, especially for the kids who range in age from 6 up to 20. But they will have the pool while adults are there to keep an eye on them, and can stand the heat.

The beach tomorrow sounds nice Zoe. I hope you feel up to it. Is it meant to be a little cooler than the 37C you've been getting? I notice from the news that the fire situation has not improved down there. Hope it does soon.

Right .. so I am dreadfully tired and am off for a snooze myself under a ceiling fan, Holly in tow. I will catch up on the result of the T20 womens cricket when I get up. Need a rest now.

Sherry

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I am going to watch the rest of the match so I will post the result to you at the end @Former-Member It does look like the Heat will get it done if they continue as they are now but a wicket or two could change that quickly.

It really sounds like a full on day you will have tomrrow - is it a special occasion or just a family get-together?

The fire situation is still pretty bad down here - smoke still in the air over Hobart as well as many other areas of the state - no point doing any washing on as it will smell like smoke being on the line. There are a lot of uncontrolled fires all over the state and some towns on watch and act alerts or even evacuated already. At least the wind and heat has lessened today.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

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lol @Zoe7 B flat xD

If there was an alternative to that, who were really upbeat they'd be called b sharp 😄

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