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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I'll be so happy to see it all done so I can sort out my garage properly @Sans911 I am very tired again this afternoon but need to drag myself out to Bunnings and then get my trailer cleaned out to pick up the sheets - thinking it will be better to get the cement sheeting straight up so there is no further maintenance to do down the track - it is more expensive but I think will be worth it in the end. Hope you are having a good day @Sans911

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

thats what I thought @MDT

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

eeh ya re money @Zoe7 sorta in same boat, no income atm and not sure what or where next work is, well unless I chase it myself which may end up doing. dropped the ball here, but not smoking is priority plus to be honest not smoking only need to work 100 days a year vs 160 or whatever I usually do. well. if i got rid of rent payment and got rid of remainder of card .. anyhoo glad your walls getting there

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @TAB Will have the added expense of paying my excess for private health insurance tomorrow as well - only have to pay that once a year though and all my DBT sessions are then covered for the year - that alon is worth my private health but dental is also covered so saving money there too. Going to be so tight this upcoming month but will have to try to manage it as best I can.

I have cleaned out my trailer so that is ready to go - going to pick up my sister and go to Bunnings this afternoon. Will check out what they have in stock and then get what I need tomorrow after all my appointments.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Think going to cancel extras cover here @Zoe7 ok after max it out if ever get around to making appointments. Went for a walk for an hr this morning did big food shop at coles so prob spent too much but saved over 30% on what couple lazy trips to iga would have cost. Thinking nap time. 37here

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Only mid 20s here today @TAB but it feels hotter. I am still so tired today but still have some things to get done. Definitely taking my time to get moving again after a nap. Think I'll have to put Bunnings off until tomorrow afternoon now.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

can relate @Zoe7 just got up from an hour in another world ie deep sleep, yeah my thing atm is looking stuff up on internet and about half a dozen ph calls for things cant make self do ie drs appt, dentist appt, job follow up calls, chasing lost/? inudstry long service leave on list as well ok also applying for centrelink .. bla just waking up, will continue ;wake up; in the bath lol

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

A bath usually puts me to sleep @TAB

Just pulled down the temporary tarp I had up in the garage and realised I need to move more stuff to be able to put the wall up - going to take me days now so a bit deflated by it all at present. It was super hot in there too so couldn't spend too much time in there. Definitely a morning job before the sun comes around and makes it feel like a hot house.

Tomorrow is out because I have DBT then appointments so will need to aim for Thursday. I knew this was going to be a big job but just like anything I keep being hit by the unexpected. Hoping it doesn't rain so I don't have to move things for a few days again.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

yes, water was too hot, so trying to cool down now @Zoe7 well it heats up a lot quicker when hot umm easy does it re shed, not a race so long as you are getting there

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I know I can smash out the actual wall in a day but it is the moving of things that is becoming very taxing @TAB - I will try to get a few more things moved this evening and leave the rest until tomorrow then the space will be clear for the wall.

You still have time to get to making those appointments this afternoon - start with one and see how you go with the others after that.

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