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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I am loving your updates on how you are goign and what you have been up to @Former-Member. That early night may not happen now that it is already quite late and I took my meds late because my sister and her partner were here when I usually take them. I waited until they left to have them so it will probably be another hour or so until they kick in.

Great to hear you watched a movie - that is a relaxing thing to do

Will catch up with you sometime tomorrow - it will be a busy day for me but will check in when I can. Sleep well @Former-Member

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Its all good @Former-Member 😸😎🎩👍

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hopefully you’re asleep now @Zoe7 Sleep well. 💜💖😴

Night night everyone. 💜💖😴

Hi and sleep well @outlander

I see you 👋💜. I hope you’re ok. Night night

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

goodnight @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Still a little early here @outlander

But will try early. 🤔

two air cons still on here. 😔😮

Hopefully will catch up on your news soon. 💖

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey @Former-Member I watched a movie tonight too which is also not common for me. I think perhaps neither of us need to do any jobs tomorrow at all: since @Zoe7 is doing such an enormous task, that should cover energy expenditure for the whole group, lol! Three cheers for you (& your sister & partner re the garage). Incidentally, driving lesson was tricky eg. He got to top of driveway but rolled back & freaked out so I had to drive into the quiet street where he panicked again when he saw a pedestrian (also thought she recognised him which made him more tense). Went a short distance then got out but when I said I’d drive home I actually took him to another quiet street where he reluctantly got behind the wheel again briefly. Poor lad was tired as well as worried but at least he gave it a go (can I call my approach ‘tough love’?!). To be fair, his fear about hurting someone or having an accident is somewhat justified given his skills at present. @Former-Member I’m going to get him back into driving lessons soon & that might be suitable in your situation if you can afford it. Haven’t heard from @MDT so hope all’s well there. @Shaz51 it’s great to have your warm & encouraging responses on the forum. Nighty night all.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I will happily take on the work today as doing enough for the whole group here @Sam3 lol

It is going to be a very long day for me but I am also looking forward to it being done finally. The next few days are going to be very busy ones for me getting it all sorted but it will mean I can also make a little room inside as well when I move some things into the garage.

@Former-Member Hope you got some sleep last night. It took me a while to get to sleep - even had to get up for a while before I felt tired again - think it ws because I was thinking about everything I have to do today - but second time I layed down was much better.

@TAB @Shaz51 Hi to you both - hope your evening was ok

Have a good day everone - will be checking in as I go tody when I csn but wishng everyone light in their day

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi. Yes it sounds like @Zoe7 is doing enough work for us all @Sam3 💪😮

My sleep was terrible last night, so I won’t be doing alot today.

I hope it’s not all too much for you, Zoe and that you can rest in between. Sounds like an enormous task.

Haha re driving. Not really haha though. I handed my D over to proper driving school. Now that she’s more confident, I might be less anxious with her. I don’t know. I’m not a good passenger. See how I go.

I had a smirk when I read about your son being embarrassed about someone recognising him.

When D first started lessons she drove up a curb and a guy recognised her. It’s so embarrassing for them. Funny thing is, we’ve all driven up curbs and have done silly things driving, especially when learning. I’m surprised I got my license first time. I did quite a few things wrong.

Gotta go 💜💖☕️☕️

Hi all. 👋💖

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Already weeded a patch and put down the tarp and moved a few things out of the garage and onto the tarp @Former-Member Most of the rest will have to wait until I have some help and then we should smash it out quite quickly between the 3 of us. Then it is the big job of getting the roof done. Hoping it doesn't rain over the next couple of days and then I can get the wall done and shelves put up then move everything back into the garage.

It is a big job so grateful I will have some help.

Sorry to hear you had a bad night @Former-Member hoping you can get through today okay and tonight is easier for you.

Hi @Sam3 @outlander @TAB @Shaz51 Hope your days are going ok

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Good morning @Zoe7

Sounds like a busy but productive day for you. Yay though that the garage is finally getting day. Something you've wanted for a long time. I hope it all goes well for you. 💜

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