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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@CheerBear I have done a load of washing and washed up - Toby's toys and the fur baby bowls are next followed by cutting Toby's toenails - then sorting out my meds for the next week into their little boxes and hopefully enough energy left to do some painting. It is very warm outside so no more garage sorting out just yet.

How are you going with getting rid of things you need to out of your garage?

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

OMG we posted at the same time again @CheerBear LOL

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Haha I love that!

We've both done well today @Zoe7! Did you get to the supermarket (might have missed that sorry)? That one will be the last on my to-do jobs today, after I make my bed with fresh, clean sheets which I'm heading to do now and will stop myself from foruming until it is done!

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

We probably won't have a BBQ if it is too hot so might end up staying home. Not sure I want to drive that far tonight but will still see how I am in a couple of hours. Think I got my second wind but that too is dying down now lol

We do generally chat each day - usually at night - I don't have Messenger on all the time like some people do - I generally only open it when I get on FB at night. The funny thing is I was never on FB but now am all the time - must be the anticipation of conversation happening there @CheerBear It is all a bit new for me! Didn't even have a FB account until a couple of years ago and I don't post anything - mainly opened it to keep in touch when places like the Vets were open and to stay up to date with news of different orgnanisations but it has grown with friends over that time - seems strange to talk about 'friends' in that way - they really are just aquaintances!

Haven't got to the supermarket yet - will probably leave that until tomorrow now - nothing that I need urgently or cannot wait another day or two.

Just checked the tv guide - there is a game on tonight - Renegades vs Strikers - my Hurricanes play tomorrow night but I am not going to this game - might be too hot anyway.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Former-Member How is your day going Hon?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hey everyone. Sounds like you’re day/s are productive. I’m at work & have NOT selected “email me when someone replies” but I keep getting emails when there’s a post & it’s annoying my colleague (whoops!). Any ideas other than the ultimate final solution (find where to unsubscribe perhaps?). Thanks

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Under you avatar at the top of the page (next to the bell) click on that and go to subscriptions - you will find many different settings you can select to have or not under Notifications @Sam3

You can also choose to delete notifications from a particular thread by choosing Subscriptions and clicking on the thread you don't want to get notifications for - it will still notify you if you are tagged unless you choose to stop that under Notifications as well.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Zoe7 👋 Just reading along a little, while I rest in between chores.

Feeling really flat still, trying to push through.

Thanks for thinking of me.

Feel free, but not obligated to tag me anytime.

Havent written much lately, because not much happening here.

D’s specialist appointment was unexpectedly cancelled, which was very disappointing. Waiting for an available appointment.

I finally rang insurance to make sure D is covered. So now she can drive my car and hopefully get her license soonish. It will be good for her to have her independence and go out whenever she wants to.

At least she’s getting out with friends again. She’s not keen on being home too much.

The tiredness she experiences is a worry. But I will try not to. 🤔

I read your exciting news on the other thread, I think it was yesterday.

I look forward to hearing the continuation of the news. 😀👍

Very happy for you. 💜☕️

Hi 👋 @CheerBear 💜🌷☕️

I noticed you there too.

Hi to anyone else around. 👋💜☕️

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @outlander 👋💜💖

I see you. ☕️🍰

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I'll make sure to tag you in the group tags I do with updates then @Former-Member - wasn't sure you would be okay with them so haven't done that a lot for you - now I know you are on the list lol

Not good about the cancelled specialist appointment - but hoping you get one quickly. It is great that D is going out with friends and continuing to lead a 'normal' life in between all that she is going through. That is one tough cookie you have there Hon

It is also good you have sorted out the insurance - it will be great for D to have that little more independence when she gets her licence.

As you may have gathered I have been getting a lot done today - not as much as I would like but still making in-roads. Still considering going to the beach but think I am lacking in energy right now to actually make it - maybe tomorrow. I did manage to cut Toby's toenails - he hates me doing that on his front paws so that was a bit of a drama lol - but all done now so all good for another 4 weeks or so. Next is a haircut and bath but still putting that off in case I get to the beach over the next couple of days.

Need to vacuum but it is too warm now to do that - might be better tonight if it cools off a bit.

It is lovely that you are ready the news along on the other thread - it is all a bit new for me so don't know where it will lead (or even if I want it to lead anywhere - still having mixed thoughts about this one) but I'll keep you all updated.

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