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Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2017, 5:39 pm AEDT

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor28 Dec 2018, 1:54 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

@Sam3 There are times when I can't even be bothered watching tv - but I usually fill in my time on here - it is not ideal but it does fill the time. I don't have kids but I do spend a lot of time with my Toby (dog) and Cat ...and I like to paint but that too is often something I can only do a little of at a time whost waiting for part of it to dry. When I am at work I have more to do with planning for classes so that takes up some of my time.

Do you have any hobbies or things you like to do that could occupy your time a bit?

In response to: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor28 Dec 2018, 1:56 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Hope you get some work soon @TAB This time of year is difficult with many places closing down until the new year - so hoping you have more luck then.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

TABSenior Contributor28 Dec 2018, 2:02 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes, and well into it as well re new year. Perhaps I should start writing my book hahahahahaha. Ok if I ever do, it won’t be written here lol well except in my sweat

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

TABSenior Contributor28 Dec 2018, 2:03 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 ^^^

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Sam3Senior Contributor28 Dec 2018, 2:11 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks SO much for replying Zoe7 - it was my first post ever! It’s great that you can function well at work & that you have your canine & feline companions! I used to have a teaching job but I resigned to carry out a plan to move interstate for my kids’ education ...but long story short the potential transition was too much for me & we stayed here. I now have a very simple job which nonetheless I’m grateful for. I used to have hobbies like bushwalking, choir & art but haven’t had motivation for sometime. Can’t seem to get out of my head & into action. I acknowledge the value of routine but strongly resist it/worry about failing to meet the goals. Like many of us, I’m my own worst enemy. Ok now I’ll take up your suggestion & read 1 chapter of a book I started last night. Does anyone have a solution for how to have a simple plan & follow through? Maybe it’s to work in 30 minute intervals & alternate doing vs sedentary? Thanks again to Zoe7 & anyone else who’d like to contribute.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember28 Dec 2018, 2:26 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Reading along. Have to get ready to go to doctor now. Catch you all later.

Did hours of clearing out.

2 big bags full, plus a big suitcase full of stuff for Salvos.

Theyre shut though.

At least everything is packed up and in the car ready to go

What a huge relief. Been wanting to do this for AGES.

@Zoe7 @TAB @Shaz51 @CheerBear @Former-Member @Sans911

💜💖💜💖💜💖. Gotta rush now

Hi @Sam3 👋Nice to meet you, well, sort of meet you. 🙂

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor28 Dec 2018, 2:33 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Reading is great to fill in some time @Sam3 Try a small walk instead of a bush walk - even just around the block or down the street for a distance to get the body moving. I am not a big walker but do hydrotherapy when I am not working. The pool I go to is closed until into the new year so that is out for now but I am into my painting at the moment and that is filling in some time. I also have a lot of work stuff to sort out - but need to be in the right headspace to do that.

It is really great that you have found us here @Sam3 - there us a thread called Introduce yourself here where you can introduce yourself and more people will be able to connect with you. Also have a look around the forum - there are many, many threads. I am more than happy to help you out with any questions you have and also more than happy to keep chatting with you here. It is always nice to meet new members and I hope you find it a caring and supportive community here - I certainly do.

If you type in @and begin typing the name then you can tag people - that way they get a notification that you have posted and included them in the post. Welcome to the forums @Sam3 - lovely to have you here

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor28 Dec 2018, 2:35 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Fingers and toes crossed that everything goes okay with the results @Former-Member Will be thinking of you Hon Let us know how it all goes

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor28 Dec 2018, 2:48 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

I see you there CB - still doing the washing here but have changed and washed all of Tby's beds in the loungeroom ...including the couch doona - he uses it more than I do these days lol. Right now he is curled up on the couch with no doona or pillow to snuggle into @CheerBear

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Sam3Senior Contributor28 Dec 2018, 2:53 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Well all that clearing out is extremely impressive @Former-Member . You’ve inspired me to put away the washing (hardly a comparison for your hours of work). Thanks for your personal greeting & all the best for your doctor’s visit. To the others in this conversation, I’m hoping for some good moments for you today. If you feel you can, please share about getting started on a task (however small) when feeling overwhelmed.

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