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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope @Maggie @Appleblossom and all passing through...

I had another few hours sleep this morning and into this afternoon but still tired - going to make today a rest day instead of tomorrow. I am certainly hoping I get a bit more energy later to do a few things but not stressing if I can't do those until tomorrow. I'll try to get the washing done at least today.

My eye is a little better - feels like whatever was in there has worked it's way out - it is still very blurry but hoping that gets better over the rest of today. I should still be able to do a lttle painting still - at least start the background if I can be bothered getting up later.

Methinks an afternoon on the couch will be all I achieve today but that is okay - the last few days have been full on and I need the rest.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 The couch afternoon sounds like a good plan. I'd think about the washing if you are hanging it on the line, tassie is in for a downpour tonight and tomorrow. I've just landed on my bed for a rest, not much more happening here today. Mags had her hair cut last week and looks cute as. Enjoy some rest. 💕🐾💕

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Toby really needs a bath and a haircut but not going to do that this weekend. I might plan that for next weekend so he looks all fluffy and white for christmas lol

Most of the washing can be put on the clothes horse to dry @Maggie so if I get one load done that is where it will go. I knew we were expecting rain this weekend but hadn't looked up how much so thanks for the heads-up. It has been such lovely weather the last few days but I was at work so couldn't get anything outside done - this week is suoer busy also so it looks like after christmas when I can work outside agan. I do have a lot to get done inside though so I will concentrate on that when I can this week.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

hello @Zoe7, one step at a time my sister xoxo

Hello @Maggie, @Appleblossom, @outlander, @Owlunar

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi my sister @Shaz51 Yes baby steps today. I have done one load of washing and put it out on the clotheshorse and primed my canvas for painting. It is nearly feeding time for the fur babies and then I need to think about dinner for myself - not really hungry this afternoon, more tired but I know I need to eat something to keep my strength up as much as I can too. Tomorrow I really need to get some shopping done but mot sure I will be up to it - I can only wait and see I suppose.

How are you doing today?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

way to go with what you did today my sister @Zoe7

need to eat something to keep my strength up as much as I can, -- have you something in the freezer or have something that is easy xx

me I am feeling very tired as my mum was back in hospital last night

we mowed 2 lawns this morning before the rain started and it has been raining heavy since

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes @Shaz51 I will make a salad tonight - have plenty of salad ingredients

We are expecting rain here too @Shaz51 - just had a light drizzle so far today but I think it is supposed to get heavier overnight and tomorrow. I am glad you got your mowing jobs done before the rain came up your way.

Sorry to hear your mum had to go back to hospital - hope she is out soon and back home

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

thank you @Zoe7 yes mum is sleeping lots today which is good , the doctor says she is lacking certain things in her blood soo they are putting them through the drip xx

yes mr shaz is a bit anxious abot the mowing but one day at a time xx

hearing lots of frogs around

hhope Toby does not chase toads xx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

No toads or frogs in my backyard but I'm sure Toby would think they were something to play with. Cat would be more likely to chase them @Shaz51 - she is a great lizard hunter

Hopefully your mum is back home soon then my sister - it must be so hard for you seeing yur mum going into hospital so much but as long as she is getting the care she needs that is the important thing.

Hugs for Mr. Shaz getting anxious but there is nothing you can do with the rain my sister - I know that doesn't make it any easier when he is anxious though. Hope he settles a little about it all Hon.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

yes my cat used to get sick when she ate a lizard , but did not get sick when she ate a gecko @Zoe7

mr shaz will be ok as long as the sun come back out next week xx

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