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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Really glad there wasn't DBT today too @Faith-and-Hope I think I would have been driving home with one eye shut

Your niece just walked past Toby laying on the floor - gave him a sniff and walked on past - even Toby must be tired because he didn't even lift his head up lol

Definitely an early night for me tonight and I would suggest many of us ...including Toby

Did you get your notes sorted in your lunch break Hon?

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I had one appointment today. It took all I had to give. I did lots of mindfulness in train. I asked to finish 10 mins earlier. I am back home. I should probably take 3rd prn.

Hey I am getting better at telling my different feelings apart with emojis

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You'll be the emoji queen soon @Appleblossom

Sounds like it was a difficult appointment Hon - look after yourself this afternoon

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hello @Faith-and-Hope had no work today as mum had her appointment today , loonngg day xx

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sounds like a really productive chat with your gp. @Zoe7.

I agree about the psychologist. Needs to be someone with a gentler approach than last time.

So glad to hear your positive news. ❤

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I am considering going back to the same psychologist @utopia but with the understanding that we need a competely different approach. I liked her a lot - it just was not what I needed at the time (or ever) but it would be good to have someone that I could check in with apart from what happens with my GP and pdoc. Sometimes I just need to 'talk' and I find that difficult now with both of them - the emphasis has changed more to DBT for my pdoc. I found that seeing the psychologist who takes DBT for 3 weeks was a good outlet for me - I can't keep seeing her though as she doesn't normally see clients who she takes for DBT. I would find it a bit conflicting myself too.

How are you? What have you been up to? How are Abbey and Dog?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi everybody .... 🖐🌷💕

I went into lunchtime with painting a colour theory activity @Zoe7, so didn't get the notes finished then, but we had a relief teacher in the next class, and I was ahead in the work for that unit, so with her permission, I sat and finished the notes before starting the studio work ..... all sorted. Home now and printing them out for the file for that unit.

It's good that you are working out what you need from the psychologist @Zoe7, and you are prepared to go back to working with her, negotiating where you need the treatment to go .... and where not to go, just as importantly.

Hugs @Appleblossom .... 💜🌷💕 ... glad you are feeling that you are making headway, and I for one am loving seeing you work with the emojis .... art in its many forms is a great vehicle for expression and relating.

@Shaz51 .... hearing you. I am glad you are sorting out a bit of rest time for yourself here and there. You are a real Trojan ..... you just keep going and getting things done, but you've gotta look after that little kidney of yours ... and that means resting too ..... @Zoe7 has been telling me the same thing and encouraging me to pull my sleep hours back into a better balance.💗

Hey @utopia .... how are the doors going ? I haven't got to your Home thread yet tonight to find out. Hugs Hon .... you are not far from my thoughts ..... 💛

Hi to @Former-Member..... thinking of you most every day too ..... 💓💕

@Maggie how are you going ?

Anybody else around ?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

So glad you got those notes done and was allowed the time Hon - that must make you feel like you are getting on top of it all @Faith-and-Hope

I think it is the right move for me - especially where I am at right now. Getting work sorted is the most important thing atm but after that is all done and I am more settled in that regard then beginning back with the psychologist could be good for me. I can only see how it goes and if it is not working then I can stop again.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @Fee1 things ok just don’t feel that ok if that makes sense re perceptions
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