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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

monday is a holiday here in qld @Faith-and-Hope, @Zoe7

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

No wonder you want to get your art space sorted quickly then @Faith-and-Hope. It will be great to have your own space - to be able to leave projects to come back to later and have all your equiptment in one place.

Hi @Shaz51 no holidays here but it is school holidays next week so there will be less traffic on the road in the morning and middle of the afternoon.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

yes schooll holidays here @Zoe7, this week and other week to go

went to clean this morning and the whole family was home ha ha

the kids loved it , showing me what they have made xxx

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Our school holidays are the next two weeks @Shaz51 - some states finished last week and the rest - including Tassie - this week. I have to get some paperwork done tomorrow so it is there before the holidays.

It would have been so cute to see what the kids had made - that part of teaching I do really miss.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Tomorrow is a public holiday here @Shaz51 .... for the grand final.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Guessing you have headed off to sleep after such a full day @Zoe7. That was a lot of driving, along with the concentration involved in the meeting you attended.

Yes, I am wanting to get the art space set up ahead of Monday, but ai will also have a baby dragon plus other half staying in that unit, so I will want to giv them due space across the weekend ..... which means setting it all up tomorrow before they arrive, but settling in on Sunday night after they have vacated.

Hoping everyone else is going okay. It will take me a little while to catch up with y’all, so I will mention a few here .....now that I can ..... lol .....

@Snowie @Maggie @Sans911 @Teej @outlander @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Adge @MDT @utopia ..... there are more, I know, but I will be doing a call-out on other threads too .....

👋💕💤

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I was just writing to you @Faith-and-Hope FC

I am not far off heading to bed - meds starting to kick in and Toby and Cat are both inside asleep.

D1 and SiL are coming over then - are they going to the grandfinal as well?

I have decided to stay home to watch the game - definitely be hoping WC win

I do hope you get your space set up - it will be so nice for you to have that space and not have to worry about moving things all the time

Yes it was a lot of driving today - I came back the more scenic route too - it didn't take much longer as there were road works on the major highway in several places. The next meeting is in Hobart so not far to go for that one (depends on work though).

Are you taking D2 to the grandfinal parade?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Needing to head for sleepy land @Faith-and-Hope Goodnight Hon

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes to all of the above @Zoe7 ...... except the grand final parade ..... I hadn’t really thought about it. I think it will be a “wait and see” ..... my feet are so sore tonight that I can hardly stand up. I walk a lot, but today involved a lot of standing around and walking ..... I think that was the difference. If they televise it, I might plant her in front of that, and keep trucking things off to the art space meanwhile ...... two birds with one stone sort of thing.

G’night 💤💤💤💤💤

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Moving is hard work and taxing on the body @Faith-and-Hope I hope you get it all sorted before Monday though.

The grandfinal parade used to be televised here but isn't anymore - will get small bites of it on the news. I hope it is televised there for you and D2.

Depending on the weather today I may get out in the garden - we are expecting rain but it hasn't come yet - it isn't very warm though so might even stay inside and try to paint a little. I have managed to make enough room in the loungeroom to get set up temporarily.

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