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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I didn't see the outcome of the football @Zoe7, but I hope you enjoyed it and are sleeping now.

I am heading to bed before pumpkin hour .... yay me 🎉✨

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Pleased you headed to be earlier last night - hope you slept and caught up a bit on your late nights this week @Faith-and-Hope

I have managed to get myself up finally and have been to the shop, I really need to do some things around the house today before the football this afternoon and tonight.

I hope today is a restful day for you and you do not have too much to do

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Goodmorning @CheerBear I love that you have gone back a similar avatar as your first one - it is how I see you - a little rainbow out of all the darkness that brightens my day whenever I see it.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Good morning @Zoe7 🙂 (and anyone who might be floating about)

Thank you! I've been playing with my avatar on and off for the last few months (forum identity crisis maybe 😆😉) and this felt right for now. I like it too 😊

I did something big for me the other day and thought you might appreciate it (I meant to share with you earlier). I watched a game of footy! I used to love the football (big time) but life went bang during footy finals. The sound of the siren, the whistles, songs, footy fever in general have been triggers and I haven't been able to watch it since. It was cool to do again and now I may even be able to join in a little with it this year 🤞

Good job on getting to the shop already! I'm still well in my pjs and waking up. It's a stunning morning. How is it where you are?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I like the foot finals series this year as there are some teams in there that I like to watch play - I hope each game is close - adds to the 'drama' and provides for am adrenalin rush lol Do you have a particular team that you used to follow @CheerBear?

It is sunny here today so far - hope it stays like that and I can get outside for a little while - would love to do another small patch of gardening before the footy this afternoon. I desperately need to vacuum as well (still have Toby hair on the floor from his hair cut lol).

How are the LF - has middle still got the cast on?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yeah I have a team, given to me from the day I was born @Zoe7. I'll find a way to quietly mention which one one day I think 😁

How's the garden been going? Getting in to it today is on my hopes list also.

Middle still has their cast. Last night I caught them lining up chairs in the play room to learn how to use roller shoes which they were given in a big bag of hand me downs. They gave me a cheeky "but at least I only need one wrist guard" when I caught them 😆. They've also asked why their cast now makes a 'crunching' sound, how to get salsa off it, and it's bound with tape to keep it from un-stuffing. I can't wait for it to be off - only two more weeks!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I am the same with my team - was ingrained in me before I was even born lol I wouldn't have it any other way though

That middle is mischieveous I bet you will be glad when they get the cast off and they can do things for themselves more again.

It will be lovely for you to be able to get out in your garden today @CheerBear My garden needs a lot of work atm - plenty of weeding to do and a few plants that need to be cut back and a couple that need to be replaced. We have had plenty of rain to keep most of them growing but there is one spot where the water doesn't get in so the plants I had there look either dead or sick - at least it is only one patch. My favourite corner under the trees is coming along nicely - will buy a couple more plants for there this spring.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope There is a cat show on in Melbourne this weekend - thought you might be interested to know about it

https://catloversshow.com.au/melbourne/

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Same with not having it any other way @Zoe7. I've managed to raise the next generation of little people to have it in them also and they're very loud and proud fans!

Your garden sounds really nice. I have an image in my mind of a little garden with a fence and a zoe and a white fluff ball pottering around 😊

I just took you out to my little piece of peace and quiet, and this is what we can see today (cropped so we cant see the neighbours)

I'm now going to disrupt that peace and get some littles moving. Not sure what we're up to but I want to enjoy the day with them.

Hope you have one that feels good for you. Nice chatting, as always 💚

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes the little fluffball likes to help in the garden lol - Have a great day @CheerBear and yes it was lovely chatting as always CB

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