Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope I hope you managed to get all your printing done today and are organised to work on your visual diary tonight.

I made it to the pool but left early today - I was glad to be home - still very much struggling today but I know tomorrow will be harder - just have to ride it out!

Just had a blast from a baby dragon in meltdown ..... sigh .....

Yes, am in the process of organising the printing ..... but do I feel like going home ?? Would love to stay at the library till it closes.

Not that I blame her really ..... it feels like she has finally grown up, only to find that everybody has vacated .....

The thing is, she has had study options available, but is not feeling able to take them on, but if she had, she wouldn’t be feeling so bereft .....

End of the day, not my fault, and I can’t fix it for her either.

😔

I am glad you made it to the pool today @Zoe7. Tick that box. And it is adding to the positive achievements you are making, each like a stepping stone ..... I remember a painting like that ..... 🤗💕

I can actually see that painting (unfinished) staring at me from it's home on top of a stand in the loungeroom @Faith-and-Hope - lots of stepping stones and a little background done - but much like me atm ...the stepping stones look like they are suspended in space with nothing around them to anchor them down ...that is my life at present in a nutshelf - suspended in mid air!

Sorry that your baby dragon seems to be in a similar position but as she finds her own wings there will be no doubt more of these meltdowns and all you can do is ride it out while she finds her own path.

I can fully understand why you would want to stay at the library until it closes though Hon - must be more peaceful than navigating the turmoils at home

This baby dragon is also carrying “the personality type” @Zoe7, so she needs to learn to keep the aggression traits under control. This is why they are my “baby dragons” ..... I knew they were fierce, and I knew it was genetic, and it can have its positive profile .... but I didn’t know the diagnostics and the problems it can pose .....

The first step to learning to manage it is learning to identify it, so I will do as I have done with the others who have this tendency to breathe fire ..... and step back after calling it, and wait for them to calm down and sort themselves out. I have called her on it in a text, so that process can happen before I get home, hopefully.

It sounds like you are doing everything right there Hon - being assertive by not letting her get away ith it but also letting her simmer down with some distance between you 2 as well. You are also letting yourself settle and doing what you need to do for your studies at the same time - all really important self-care things @Faith-and-Hope

I feel for her @Zoe7, but this is a behaviour pattern I have seen tolerated and encouraged within the wider family, and it’s not my way ..... creating boundaries will help her to stabilise and re-think her responses.

And the more consistent and stable you are with her the more she will reflect those characteristics back in herself @Faith-and-Hope. It is the way you counteract the traits that give rise to this kind of behaviour - and you do that by showing her a different way to do things ...a way that she can achieve the desired outcome but without any aggression or malice.

I have an older one who has come through this @Zoe7. They still spark off at times, but generally they have got a handle on it.

The flip side is depressive, so it’s walking a bit of a tight-rope I think. Keeping active in a variety of ways helps, so you can see where my mr. has taken that to extremes. The intent was always good, and he thinks he’s got the balance right ......

Those extremes are hard to deal with @Faith-and-Hope - it can be a fine line between looking after yourself and being obsessive ...as you very well know - but the opposite end of the spectrum is a very lonely place to be and can also be very hard to drag yourself out of it. Right now I get that end of the spectrum - I am finding it hard to drag myself back up - that is why you supporting your kids the way you do is absolute gold for them

Thanks @Zoe7. It makes it easier to hold these reigns with your support Hon, yours and others within the forum family.

❤️