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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Yes, I imagine we could get up to all sorts or arty mischief @Zoe7 😏

Maybe break the soup task down into stages. Peel and and prepare the veggies as Step 1 ....,

Can you bung it all into a casserole dish and cook the soup in be oven @Zoe7 ? A stock-pot is one of the best purchases I have made, b cause you set the time and it turns off when it’s done ..... so Step 1 is all there really is to making the soup ..... that and put water and some stock cubes into the thing ....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

haha @Faith-and-Hope only one step is the best way to cook lol

I think I will make it tomorrow - getting a little tired myself now but I haven't slept all day today and that is a good thing. Pain meds always make me tired but my headache has been dulled significantly and is manageable now.

I can imagine the types of arty mishief we would get up to - we would have papier-mache and mosaic walls, sculptures in every corner and arty things underway everywhere - we of course would have music playing and Toby sitting at my feet and Cat on a special bed we would make for her - what a wonderful time we would have

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You should totally go into a cottage industry in papier-mâché @Zoe ...., and I might too .....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

It is having the confidence to get something like that up and going that I have trouble with @Faith-and-Hope - I know I have a real talent for making papier-mache things - especially life size structures of animals - but it is knowing what to do with that that I know little about.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Start by making small things @Zoe7 ..... small critters, odds-and-ends jewellery boxes, and sewing boxes with a pin cushion lid (perhaps a lady-bug design with a black and red spotted fabric cushion to set in the top, for instance) then print out your own business cards and a catalogue (clear-plastic sleeve folder would do) and visit gift shops in your area with them, or sell online and post the items to people, including a postage charge. Once you started you would work out more things you could do ..... like papier-mâché bead necklaces, bracelets, earrings, etc .....

Lije anything else, you start somewhere, and work out the way forward in baby steps. There would be small business advice online somewhere to get started with because it would just come under “hobby” at first.

Here’s one for the kids at school .....

Papier-mâché pizza ..... make-your-own toppings 😊

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I will take all that on board Hon and do some more research myself too - it may take some time until I have the confidence in myself to do any of that - I think concentrating on returning to work and being financially more secure again is my priority. I still have the idea for the kid's parties also in the back of my mind - but again it is the set-up costs that stop me right now looking into that further. I need to have regular income coming in to be able to start that too - it sucks that so many things come down to money but being able to pay my mortgage and bills needs to be my priority atm @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I understand @Zoe7 .... but maybe start creating a body of work in the meantime, one small object here and there .... and just enjoy doing that in the moment.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I get what you are saying Hon - I need to get my garage roof done so I can sort out a space. Getting my garage sorted would also free up room inside the house but I could start sketching designs and getting image for what I want to do. I really want to do that rocking horse I have mentioned previously - I think that will be my first project when I have the room @Faith-and-Hope Also going back to work will free up a lot of space as I can take all the things I have stored here back to work. I am sure that freeing up that physical space would also free up some mental space for me

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sounds like it @Zoe7 ....

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I don't like 'clutter' @Faith-and-Hope which to most people that know me would think is quite the opposite but I feel more emotionally free when things are in their place, tidy and clean. I just have a lot of 'stuff' and it is all mainly school stuff!

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