Am Not Coping

Oh Hon I can't help but feel for you - this is not something you needed at this point but I admire your resilience and even more so your resolve to see it all as 'a natural progression' under the circumstances. You are definitely living your life in two halves and neither of them are easy but you have your course and you will still have your river walks - 2 things that mean enough for you to help you through.

It is not good that you are hearing things from thrid parties however this is possibly a sign that things are being noticed outside of your immediate family and Mr. F&H won't be able to keep his illness from others if this continues - that in itself may present a set of defining moments for him to seek more help - fingers crossed for you ...and him @Faith-and-Hope

Comments are coming my way regarding that too @Zoe7 ..... he is increasingly looking like his illness and friends and acquaintances are worried ..... starting with gentle enquirers about whether he is suffering from illness, or staying that they didn’t recognise him at all, would have walked past him in the street, and that is just from the changes in him across the last year, not his previous dramatic weight loss .... this is comment on the recent changes.

He is also “blowing up” at other people now, and they will tolerate it much less than we have, and question as to why he is behaving this way .... noting that it is out of character.

Its starting to spill.

It does seem like it is only time before he starts burning his bridges and realises that his behaviour is causing all this @Faith-and-Hope - I do hope it is a realisation that comes with minimal consequences for you though and that before he hits that point he seeks help.

Whatever happens I do not think any of it is going to be easy on you - you have received the brunt of his denial and the consequences of that for a long time and you may continue to be the one to continue to receive this - I do hope not for your sake but history would suggest this will be the case. That is when you will need to draw on all your resolve to get through - and I will try to be here for you to help you along the way Hon

A diagnosis will make all the difference in our situation @Zoe7, because I can state that owing to his “xyz” I need time out .... or his “xyz” is resulting in behaviours I am not repared to tolerate / need help managing .... and we will have a support team and counselling services available to us that we can’t access without a diagnosis in place.

I have been told repeatedly that this is the hardest part of our journey because it is unrecognised and unsupported, not that our situation itself will be any easier .... but the recognition and support services will bring us in from the wilderness.

The biggest difficulty will be him accepting a diagnosis and making changes that will aid in his recovery @Faith-and-Hope - that is going to be a huge stumbling block for everyone.

Once he accepts that the road to recovery will be long but I hope he asks for that support and understands that you are there to help.

I expect some aspect of his health will give out @Zoe7 .... his teeth are breaking more often, and I don’t know that Raynaud’s accounts for how cold he is, how much trouble he is having maintaining his body temperature. His blood results are showing abnormalities too, but probably not in ways that a gp can join all the dots. He is masking the most obvious signs of an ed.

A health crisis would force him to accept the diagnosis @Zoe7, because the associated fear and discomfort can’t be allieviated under those circumstances without treatment, and agreeing to treatment is agreeing to the diagnosis that requires the treatment.

While I don’t want to see him suffer, he is already suffering .... from broken teeth, from extreme cold, from loss of relationships, poor sleep, recurrent injuries, allergies, dermatitis, infections .....

It makes it so much harder when the obvious signs you see are not easily presented in blood tests @Faith-and-Hope - those behavioural aspects of his personality I am sure he covers up well with most people including the GP.

How are you doing with your recent mole removals - any excess pain or discomfort?

Nothing that the basic pain meds can’t take care of @Zoe7 ..... 😏

Thanks for asking .....

And all the other scans appeared to be clear.

So glad the other scans are clear @Faith-and-Hope and that you are not in too much pain.

My back is much better today but I have been laying down a lot over the last few days and keeping warm so that helps.

I may have had too many meds tonight so might not be here much longer - starting to feel the effecs already - see how the next half hour or so goes...I'll let you know if I need to go... It has been really lovely chatting to you tonight - I know I have been away for a while but this is exactly what I needed tonight - keeping me distracted and connecting with you at the same time - you really do make such a difference in my liife Hon