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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I know @utopia - some of our brain cells must really have been destroyed by MaFS lol

I am sorry to hear you may have a problem with someone - that really sucks - and it also sucks that it is something you can't talk about - so glad that you talked it through with NikNik.

Ihaven't actually got into my 'Art' room yet - I have literally been on here all day. It has been a good day though - I feel like I have done something worthwhile - and the painting will still be there tomorrow and the next day.

I haven't seen the post from smc yet - I'll take a look in a minute. It was actually Tookyspookims that suggested the Art thread and @Faith-and-Hope and I jumped on board.

What are you up to tomorrow- any plans?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 plenty of time to start painting. The room is ready now. So when ever inspiration strikes, you will have the space.

Tomorrow, I don't know. I have my gp appointment before 5pm. She will fill in my monthly WorkCover medical form'.

I do have to check with Workcover again. I rang them today because I haven't received my pay this fortnight from them - and my ex employer. So my case manager will chase that up with my old workplace.

I really hope the money comes in soon.

I've escalated my insurance claim through the hirachy to Management. They keep denying I had insurance. And that the letter they sent my Lawyers last year was a mistake from them and shouldn't have been sent. I've told them they can honour that agreement - or I'll take them to court. Bit frustrated getting s****ed over by my old employer and workcover and now my insurance. It's too much and the bills keep on piling up.

So I'm waiting for my fairy godmother to come along and pay all my bills for me and kick some butt for me. lol. Wouldn't that be great.

And I need to draw up a plan for my sons school Talent Night. I spoke to the Music Dept and I'd like to see some changes made so that more students in the school and teachers are involved in the show. And i'd like more community to come and watch. It always seems to be the families of the students learning instruments that attend these events. And being that it is the fundraiser, we need to get the whole community behind it. I've been waiting for someone else to organise this. But they haven't. So i bit the bullet and will start trying to russel up some parents to help. So out of my comfort zone on this one.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

OMG @utopia - you need my fairy godmother (aka my GP) - wish you saw her too!!!!!

I can't believe the shite these people have put you through- and none of it your doing at all - it's just WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you need any help or advise in organising this talent night just let me know. I can't 'physically' help of course but I can help with ideas and 'behind the scenes' organisation. Any idea or issues you are welcome to run past me.

... but in saying that @utopia I think you've got this anyway

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Thanks @Zoe7. Think I will be restricted with the talent show with the band director, the Music Coordinator and the Principal of the school. We get a new Principal next term, so have to try and get some okays confirmed by the Acting Principal before he leaves.

Even your wonderful gp wouldn't be able to get my Superannuation company from honouring their letter stating that I have insurance. And we are only talking about a payout of around 8 to 10 thousand dollars. That's it. I lost more than that in lost income in the first two years on Workcover. huh.

Things will work out one way or another.

What are your plans for tomorrow?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I so hope it gets sorted out for you and quickly @utopia xxxxx

My only plans for tomorrow are my usual chemist and GP visits and I need a few things from the supermarket. The rest of the day we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Did you catch up with the dinner party episode on MaFS yet - or do you have to watch the repeats on the weekend?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7. Don't tell @Phoenix_Rising this but I forgot about watching MaFS. It really has affected my brain. lol. I will have to watch it on the weekend.

Did you catch up with the show?

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

I won't tell @Phoenix_Rising if you don't lol

I watched the repeat yesterday - you may want to have a protective barrier between you and the tv because I feel you will want to hurt someone...........

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh don't tease me like that @Zoe7. Now I really want to watch it now - but i'm so tired and need to go to bed. Bugger. I'll watch it tmw morning and then I'll post and tell you how I've gone.

Sweet dreams. Pats for Toby and Cat and love to you.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Enjoy the 'drama' on MaFS @utopia

I'm really tired too and not far off bed myself

Toby and Cat have had their pats and would like to give Abbey, Max and Dog pats in return xoxoxo

Swwet dreams my friend

Love and hugs to you

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Morning @Zoe7. How did you sleep?
I haven't watched MaFS yet. Will do so in the next hour. Might energise me!
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