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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi guys .... stepping out for a while. Will catch you later .... 😘

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

OMG @utopia I've been gone for less than an hour and I have 66 messages in my inbox - seriously - need to stop posting shite all over the place.............

I think if your sister wakes me in the esrly hours of the morning then SHE will become our hood ornament lol - how did you cope in the nest with her?!!

@Former-Member I love Tassie too - funny that

... and I didn't know moons could surf ...if that's what you called it!!- you learn something new everyday...

... still chillin' on the rocks waiting for calmer water...

@Faith-and-Hope catch ya later - when I have started painting......

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Well you'd think because I essentially control the tides I would know how to surf, but I've learnt you also need upper body strength which.... I sadly don't have so that makes thing's entertaining for those on the beach, but dangerous for those in the water

Aw haha I totally thought that was Toby! I bet he would have that face if he was up there with his fur blowing in the breeze, tongue out and all 🙂

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member If I didn't tell anyone they would think it was Toby also- like looking in a mirror.

...don't you ever knock off... I've been here all day so I know you have been too... how will the moon rise tonight if you are still stuck on the computer lol

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

{Wanders into octagonal room a bit soggy and dripping everywhere. Super delighted at @Zoe7's cleaning efforts and the new ornaments in own corner. Grateful to @Former-Member for surfing the waves all afternoon...that was a really long ride. Hangs up "do not disturb" sign, and snuggles under blanket with toy turtle. Accepts that today was a complete write-off with staying alive the only thing achieved. Falls asleep knowing that tomorrow is a new day and the 100% perfect track record of surviving each day living with BPD remains intact}. Zzzzzzzzzz

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sweet dreams @Phoenix_Rising - yes your 100% record is intact and tomorrow is a new day

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hello my liitle Cocky friend @utopia I haven't seen you around tonight - I hope you are ok - or getting an early night

Sending you hugs

Zoe

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Im here @Zoe7. Been posting elsewhere and working through an issue with niknik. But all is good.

Guess what. I sent an email to WorkCover today requesting they remove the last Psych Review from my Workcover file and why.

Hopefully I will get a positive reply back stating that they will remove it. Fingers crossed.

I was polite in the email, and very careful with the words I used - simply stating that this Psychiatrist has a history of disagreeing with other psychiatrists agreed diagnosis and recommending medication that again goes against the advice of other psychiatrists - sometimes with deadly results. And that a 1 hr appointment with a 5 minute discussion about my 30's - should not qualify him to diagnose a new disorder and recommend life long medication.

I hope they take it seriously - and do not just fob me off as 'paranoid' purely because i have depression and anxiety. Will wait and see.

How are you doing tonight? I feel like we haven't had a chat for ages. Did you finally get to the chemist? I did get to the petrol station. lol

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia I am glad you have worked through whatever it was you needed to deal with

I hope Workcover takes it seriously as well - that psychiatrist was out of line!!!

I did get to the chemist - thought it was funny that we both forgot!!!!!

I'm good - it's been a really busy day.

Sounds like you have had some 'stuff' to deal with - if you need to talk I'm here for you - I hope you know that.

Zoe

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7. I can't believe we both just spoke about it and then both forgot.

My struggle today was with regard to me being a Community Guide here and a possible problem with someone. So, unfortunately, you can't help with this one.

Did you get a chance to go into your new Art Room today? I love the new art thread @faith-and-hope and you were talking about. And good to see smc already posted one of her/his sculptures.

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