Am Not Coping

Morning @Zoe7

wishing you a beautiful calm day with lots of positiveness surrounding you.

love bluebay xxooo

Hi @Former-Member Seeing my GP late this afternoon.

I am ok - a little better than yesterday and hopefully today will be a 'good' day

Dearest @Zoe7

I'm so so pleased you are feeling a little calmer today. And also that you are seeing your GP this afternoon. It sounds as though you have a good relationship with your GP, and thats major!

You're so right about the wonderful caring support of this community, they certainly rally behind those who are struggling. Its lovely to see, and a privilege to be a part of, even if only in the small way that I am. Everyone was plainly worried about you, and rightly so, but they also got behind me too. So thanks everyone - @BlueBay @oceangirl @Former-Member @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @utopia @Appleblossom @Smc. You helped me through a time where I was feeling very exposed, vulnerable and upset, but also dealing with feelings of guilt and concern about the harm I may have done to others here.

@Zoe7 - thanks for your kind words, you have brought tears once again to my eyes as well. I too thought I'd 'emptied the tear tank' this past week. But I was wrong. But these tears were happy and relieved ones, so thanks for dropping by and putting my mind at ease. And please dont revisit my thread until you are feeling strong enough to do so. There's no rush. I will still be here next week, next month, whatever. Just get yourself strong again, in whatever way you know how.

@Former-Member I have an extraordinary relationship with my GP - I can contact her anytime - day or night. I see her nearly every day atm and she has previously texted or called me on her day off and weekends. She has also organised all my work stuff, insurance, psychologist, psychiatrist and basically anything else that has needed to be done to help me along the way.

I am so sorry that you felt you were the cause of anyone being harmed in any way on here - that is so totally not the way it was for me. I felt so much for you and so admired your courage. I have written a few things previously and either edited or deleted whole posts - so to write what you did is truly admirable. I can certainly emphasise with the feelings you have had in posting - very natural under the circumstances - I have certainly not been as brave as you to share my story openly - only parts of it with a select few (on here and inreal life). So you do truly inspire me and I do want to be able to get to a point one day that I am 'comfortable' enough to open up like you have.

Thankyou again for being so courageous and strong - it does make a difference in people's lives

Zoe

Hi @Zoe7

Whatever your story - it takes strength and courage to live a genuine life - and I get it that yours has had trauma - and that you are working through it - and yes - even get it that you would like the world to float away and you with it

One good thing about growing older - so many things matter less - sure - the silver hair and partial dentures are a constant reminder - and where it the athlete I once was? But still - time passing and deep thinking produce some interesting values that were not available when I was younger

Perhaps I was looking in the wrong place - but yeah - I would wake up and cringe at the daylight - not another day - no - more of the same.

That has passed for many years now - I am not always joyful - but I find a lot to enjoy -

I do understand - another gift of the years - and I also know that it is only a closed mind that doesn't open up with the rain - watch for the stars when the rain has passed - notices the passage of the season -

And I could go on

Take your time - things do not stay the same forever

Dec

Thanks @Owlunar I always love hearing from you and I do listen - and yes it is just really hard at the moment but I also know I have made some steps forward - they may only be baby steps but that is ok.

WOW 11 hours sleep - I think the sleep fairies have hit us both over this weekend

I am glad that you made it to the Art Gallery and you enjoyed seeing the paintings so much

Sorry that you didn't have as much time at the festival as you would have liked but happy you pushed through your anxiety and had a good weekend.

I do understand how draining it would have been for you to stay on top of everything and am so proud of you for both going and doing so well while you were there xxxxxxxxx

@utopia I am doing a little better today but I also know it will not take much to set me back again - so minute by minute, hour by hour at the moment!

I see my GP this afternoon and after that I will see how I am doing and whether I need to try for an early night (before it gets dark) or if I am ok to watch MaFS and do anything else. So if I am not around later - you know why.