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Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Jan 2017, 5:39 pm AEDT

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor03 Mar 2017, 3:23 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member .... this is the image we are painting from. I figured you would really appreciate the saying in it ....

"The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is the way in which we use them."

Lol .... @utopia .... the melting clock is definitely NOT Monet .... it is from a larger work by Salvador Dali, painted in 1931, and considered iodocy by many at the time .... so if you don't like it you are amongst the majority .....

Monet was an Impressionist -

Impressionism is a 19th-century art movement characterized by relatively small, thin, yet visible brush strokes, open composition, emphasis on accurate depiction of light in its changing qualities (often accentuating the effects of the passage of time), ordinary subject matter, inclusion of movement as a crucial element of human perception and experience, and unusual visual angles.

The impressionists were not taken seriously either .... their work referred to as finger painting ...

This is a work by Monet that @Former-Member is likening to the image @Zoe7 and I are painting.

In response to: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor03 Mar 2017, 3:24 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member I just read about one of your kids having a broken arm - sorry I completely missed that while I was laughing at you 'popping in' so I could add to my list (a little secret - you were already on the list!).

How did he/she break their arm?

@Former-Member Imagine teaching a class of 25 for ART - five and six year olds - so cute but sooooo tiring!!!! I had two of those classes back to back - exhausting - and messy. There were more 'creations' produced on the carpet than on the tables lol

In response to: Am Not Coping

utopiaSenior Contributor03 Mar 2017, 3:26 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

@Luna. Please stop mentioning cheese. Day 5 of gastro. Heading to the doctors tonight. But that word. I need a bucket.
@Zoe7. You are so quick to judge. And you are obviously struggling for taste. Collingwood are brilliant! !! This winter we will have to watch our two teams play & argue it out over the forum.
Can you imagine what Bass Strait would do to my gorgeous yellow Cocky Crest? The hairdresser would never be able to get it looking right again. And my beautiful perfectly white feathers - ahhh - I cry just thinking about it.
If you are going to be sick - I don't want you near the driver. Or me.
I'm 46 with grey hair - even with a hoody and earbuds - I'd never pass for a teenager.
And I don't think the artist will be there. It's not opening night.
And Monet - see his images all the time. Boring. I love to see Aboriginal Art - the old and the contemporary. I love paintings and photographs of Nature. Love images of Australian trees. Absolutely love @Faith-and-Hope painting of the Eucalypt. Shows it's teue range of colours and textures.
If we are doing NZ - can we go to the South Island? I've always wanted to go to the end of the Island.
I did that in Tassie 25 years ago. The southern most tip of Tasmania. Was wild and beautiful.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember03 Mar 2017, 3:35 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Haha oops sorry @utopia, was just in Sri Lanka so understand the feeling, lots of curry and bad sanitation = you know what. Just the dry crackers and water for you right now 😞 hopefully it goes away soon... 5 days is horrible?!!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor03 Mar 2017, 3:36 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

Yep - so quick to judge - I was taught by the best @utopia!!!!!!!!!!! lol

My eyes aren't raining anymore - my eyeballs have been washed away by the torrent oif shite coming from your direction!!!!

We'll get you a specially made hoody to protect your Cocky Crest!!!!

I would love to take you to the bottom of the South Island of NZ - it really is a beautiful part of the world - a bit like Tassie.

... but until you come over to the BRIGHTSIDE and at least learn to 'tolerate' Monet (just for moi) I will be leaving you at the bottom of NZ!!!!!!! ...and seen as you are scared of heights (and don't fly) - goodluck in geeting back!!!!!

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Zoe7Senior Contributor03 Mar 2017, 3:40 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member

I know this will probably ruin everyone's afternoon ... but I need to love you and leave you all ... appointment time....

ZOE OUT ........

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Unknown userMember03 Mar 2017, 3:40 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

I'm sorry @Zoe7 I didn't mean that to sound insensitive. I hope sleep happens for you soon.

The idea of teaching a big class like that terrifies me 🙂 Too much mess for me to cope with

I remember the distinct smell of our art room from when I was in primary school, just rememebred that now.

Broke his arm at athletics. He's managing it all pretty well now and enjoying getting everyone to sign the cast.

In response to: Am Not Coping

utopiaSenior Contributor03 Mar 2017, 3:45 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

I do fly - just not across the Bass Strait @Zoe7. Dangerous stretch of water. You could always fly - little butterfly. Tou also have wings.
No. I don't choose Monet. My stubborn meterhas been turned on now.
@Former-Member - I think zoe could go in the luggage compartment. For being so rude to me today.FFriendship has no rules except fetching me chocolate crackles and other goodies from our party table.
Oh, I really shouldn't talk about food. Arrrgghh. And I'm so over dry crackers.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor03 Mar 2017, 3:50 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member .... do you REALLY think teens and 20-somethings make less mess with paint than your 8yo with a broken arm ?? In one hotel we got told off for D3 ruining a couple of towels with acrylic paint .... kids of any age think the washing machine magically removes anything ....

Sorry to hear about the broken arm too .... not fun !

Thanks @Former-Member .... 😊

@utopia ..... 😂😂😂

@Zoe7 .... 😂😂😂 ... straight to bed with you after the dr and chemist while it's still daylight .... ❣

@Former-Member .... block your ears .... you're the driver of the Sh*tty Sh*tty bus .... you call the shots .... lol ....

In response to: Am Not Coping

utopiaSenior Contributor03 Mar 2017, 3:51 pm AEDT

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7. I'm sure your doctors appointment will go well today.
Oh guess what I did yesterday? I googled that phych doctor that WorkCover sent me too. Woweee. He has a bad reputation. Probably can't say anything here. But I'm going to request his report gets removed from my file and they can send me to someone else. Not a good psychiatrist at all!!! He is evwn described as Grandiose. Just what I want. A psych who doesn't recognise his own mental health or personality disorder - but who makes a decision on life time diagnosis and meds for me, after an hour appointment.
Hell NO!!!

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