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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Oh @Faith-and-Hope I definitely have the 'tired sillies' happening here!!! I'll have to have another shower soon to wake me up enough to get to my GP app and the chemist.

You will be pleased to know that I have cleaned out a space in the spare room and is nearly ready to set up for painting - yeah. I am going to start with the same image that we both agreed on that you have already started! I agree with @Former-Member it is very 'Waterlillies'-Monet-esque - that makes 3 of us who have the same favourite artist......

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You're welcome @utopia, thought you'd appreciate that xox

I'm ok'ish @Faith-and-Hope, unmotivated, withdrawn from nearly everything but have a Shop Shift tomorrow (gonna need pain k'llers to pull that off). Bit down that I can't get on top of my house or bills or friendships. Psychologist Tuesday says to practise looking at these things 'without judgement' and with self compassion - so trying that instead of getting all muddled.

Are you OK? Love your 'stepping stones' the more I look at it. Reminds me that God has gone before me and it will all be OK, just stay on the path 🙂

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hugs @Former-Member

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hello everyone.
@Zoe7. There is NO WAY this little Cocky is flying over Bass Strait! And what - you want to use me as a hood ornament? I'm insulted!
No, you can all just drive the Shitty Shitty bus (like what I did there) & come and pick me up from my door. You all would make bad first impression dates - imagine doing THAT infront of Cheryls dad? (Had to throw in a MaFS reference).
I'm in County Victoria @Former-Member. You can pick me up before you pick up @Owlunar. And definitely before @Zoe7. I have to get first dibs on the best seat.
@Faith-and-Hope I have seen that painting before. I'm not a fan. But then (hold onto your seats) - I'm not a fan of Monet (gasp horror).
But I love this artists work because I love nature and the human mind (except when mine is betraying me) & some of his images remind me of mental illness and the struggleswe endure. But in a mire modern way.
And I still have no intention of talking to anyone at the art gallery. I wonder if I could pretend to be deaf? We all know I couldn't pretend to be mute. Lol

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi All 🙂

Thought I'd pop in so you can add one more to your list @Zoe7

I have to say I'm enjoying your humour that's coming out in your posts today. Thanks for helping me smile and giggle my way through the afternoon.

A family painting workshop @Faith-and-Hope sounds fun! That would be one big mess if it took place in my house I have two under the age of 8 years and one has a broken arm at the moment, painting would be going everywhere

In response to: Am Not Coping

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Wow @Faith-and-Hope that's amazing you are feeling so inspired and challenged yourself to using some new paints and techniques, I will have to check out the paintings on that thread, I do remember seeing one a while back and it was INCREDIBLE

A painting weekend away will be lovely, I'd love to do something like that so I would love to hear all of the details!

haha @Zoe7 I brought the biggest platter of cheese it's going to ruin dinner

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia I am laughing so much my eyes are raining and Toby is wondering what the heck is going on!!!

You can have any seat you like as long as I can hav a front seat - don't want to vomit all over everyone - although that might be @utopia's punishment for being picked up before me lol

Cheryl's Dad would probably make us all 'get changed' - and I DON'T DO DRESSES!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe two of the most passionate things in my life are the complete opposite to you - I told you Collingwood was the end of our friendship - now not a fan of Monet (you're dropped!!!!!!!!!)

Just stick some headphones in your ears at the Gallery and pretend you are a teenager - seems earphones and teenagers come as a package deal these days - and you could pretend you don't hear anyone - AND NOTomasz Alen Kopera - you could not pretend you are mute lol

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

OMG - The Mods are multiplying - it's an invasion - there's more Mods on here atm than members lol

@Former-Member You do realise that I am just extrememly overtired and trying to keep myself awake until I have to go to my appointmnet - I do tend to get a wee bit silly with lack of sleep.

What are you bringing to the party - no plate - no entry - NEW RULE!!!!

@Former-Member Has already brought a huge plate of cheese!!! I have the napkins - we know why!!!! lol

If @CherryBomb is still jumping around she needs to bring something too - I leave that one up to you - I am running out of ideas.

In response to: Am Not Coping

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I was gonna say that @Zoe7, earplugs or maybe big fluffy ear muffs lol You're funny today @utopia, I can see how you would prefer surrealism to Monet lol

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Former-Member Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo - don't encourage her - I will turn her to Monet - that is my mission - Monet or END OF FRIENDSHIP - you choose @utopia (ps. pleeeeeaaaasssseeee choose Monet and friendship )

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