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Am Not Coping

Am Not Coping

I am really not coping at the moment but this is entirely on ME!

This is a message for a few people on here @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

that I asked could be passed on but it seems that only part of it has been and I understand from the responses that have made it through my emails that I have caused untold distress for some people. I was not going to return because of what I felt I put people through but I especially wanted @utopia and @Former-Member to know that they were not wrong at the time and I was going through a real crisis period. You both held me together for longer than I could myself until the point where my own self-destructive thoughts overwhelmed me.

The entire message that I sent to SANE is below:

I have just viewed the multitude of emails and messages sent from forum members and members of the SANE team – as well as the text and voice message left on my phone.

I have not been able to communicate with anyone since the other night as I have been recovering from what ended up being an unsuccessful attempt to end the pain.

At the time I was in a very distressed state and I did want to stop the pain and all I seemed to achieve is to cause others pain and worry and that is the last thing I wanted to do – I just wanted to end mine and say goodbye to everyone beforehand so my future absence was explained. I should have realised that the message I posted would have concerned some people but I really was not in any state to think about the repercussions for others.

I am so sorry I caused so much distress to others – that is something I will have to hopefully try and live with.

I don’t believe after the concern and anxiety I caused to so many that I will ever be able to return to the forum.

Can someone from the SANE team please explain all this to all those involved and pass on my gratitude for their compassion, concerns and kind words throughout the time I have been part of the ‘forum family’.

Thank you and sorry again for the difficult position I put everyone in.

Zoe7

I do not want any responses from any of you. I just wanted to let you know exactly what has happened and let you know how truly sorry I am for hurting people I have come to think of as friends and family, and who I really care about.

Your support, advice and compassion are what make you all the wonderful people you are.

@utopia and @Former-Member I am so sorry that the trust you placed in me has now been broken because of my actions. I also felt that we had a stronger connection, especially over the last week, and you both helped me in ways I cannot even describe or explain. I was not pulling away from you two - just wanted to pull away from myself. I couldn't cope with my own feelings and no-one or nothing was actually going to be able to stop me at the time. It's now just another failure to add to my list of failures. I really don't know what else to say to you both but to reiterate my heartfelt 'sorry'.

38645 replies

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In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Your welcome @Zoe7. Yes with time and retraining our minds and hearts "to what really matters" as my other post explained. And with this outlook the healing to our damaged self esteem commences (the root of our pain, we don't recognise our real worth); the healing begins as we acknowledge that their (the abuser's) "flaws and weaknesses are not worth our demise and their actions do not define who we are". We do. That our lives do matter and we won't allow anyone again to take this reality away. We rise above.....is it easy, no. Is it worth it in the long run, yes. Dig the heels in....be determined with a vision and you will succeed.

And learning to trust again without naivety

As you probably know I came from a background of childhood abuse. I acted out at school because of this and many were unsympathetic purely because they did not know what was going on in my life. In fact some were quite cruel adding insult to injury. That one special teacher who took the time with me made a difference in my life that I hold in my heart to this very day.

@Appleblossom ❤️🌹xx

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Zoe7.
Ouch! OUCH OUCH OUCH F***ING OUCH!!!!!!
Just got a msg from old friends - friend - the one who was seeing him on the weekend.
She wrote,
"He is fine. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But he has asked me to remind you he requested you not contact him anymore or trytto reach him through any of his friends. "
OUCH OUCH. F***
I never got a msg from him. He never said a thing. His last msg was him writing about Christmas with family. Nearly 2 hrs later when I read it & went to send a reply - he wasn't there. Nothing.
I sent a msg back to his friend judt then, saying, Ouch. I never received any such message. But that is okay. Thanks for your help.
I'm so f***ing furious and devastated and embarrassed.
I'm too old for this sort of sick game.
I'm at work - on lunch. I'm trying not to cry - but I don't know if I can.
I'm just absolutely. ..guttered

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Gosh that sounds horrible @utopia. Who are these people? Wow. I'd feel hurt too. You are way to caring for such cruel games. Hmm maybe give it all a break and look after you.
Let it have time. It sounds bizarre. This friend must be confused himself. He may come back. Let him sort his own stuff out. Look after you. ❤😘

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Sorry @utopia that you have been treated so badly just for being caring. You have every right to feel angry for now. But dont feel embarrassed - he should. Let's put the onus on who did the wrong thing here. That helps us to not allow it again keeping our self esteem intact. So important. Please know that you have done nothing wrong - just trusted the wrong person.

I would say you received no such message because none was sent. As @Former-Member said, a cruel game. It saids like what I discussed with you earlier - someone seeking to empower themselves by bringing you down. Run for the hills my friend...

You are a beautiful person and his blindness to that does not change this fact. Let yourself have a cry then put this all behind you - and him. There are better things waiting as you will want better (we do get sick of being treated like crap) and accept no less. Hold onto this and keep moving forward. Hugs xx❤️️

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia

@Former-Member is right, you have done nothing wrong at all so dont be embarressed.

I dont know why but we all seem to have a X on our head to attract people like this - dont know if its the condition or what but we have trusted way too many people to be bitten in the ass so unfortunately we go trhough life expecting the worst and if they do good - its a nice surprise then. I think I also react so badly when things go wrong as we are sick of it we have had some sort of crap all our lives and now that we are in a better position mentally "dont let the bastards drag you down"! Easier said than done but it is obvious you dont deserve this so and it might be best for to think now "oh well another one bites the dust" and learn from it but I know its still makes you damn angry but he is not worth you getting upset over.

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

f***ing h*ll @utopia

I am so so sorry. I have been asleep and just got your post. I have to go to my GP appointment now but will be back around 6.30pm.

I don't have any words for you right now - I just feel your pain. I understand how guttered you are and I will help you through this the best I can just as you have me.

Sending you all my love and strength. Talk soon my special friend

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

You responded with the best integrity @utopia .... and I am guessing that your texting friend knows you well enough to know you deal in the truth ....

He's either lying, or he set up a message to send, or whatever .... but all that whatever belongs on his side of the fence .... for your own health and well-being you're going to have to let him go .... but I am sure you already know that.

Wrap yourself up in the biggest hugs you know how today ..... every special self-care thing you can think of, while we send all our love your way, special lady ....

You are so worth more than this .... ❣

❤️💕💐🌷💜🌸💗🌺❣

In response to: Re: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope, the polar bear pic you just posted reminded me of my favourite magnet that says "Happiness is an unexpected hug"

It might even be that exact picture - I just searched it but couldn't find it, but stumbled upon this one which I love!

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

@utopia @Zoe7 you are both in my thoughts and heart at the moment. My brain is awol from big therapy session so just letting you know I hear you and sending healing hugs to you both. 💜🤗😊💐

In response to: Am Not Coping

Re: Am Not Coping

Good to see you around too @Former-Member 💜🤗💐
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