Am Not Coping

@Faith-and-Hope He should be in his element then!

Are you looking forward to some time to yourself?

@Faith-and-Hope I am looking forward to it for you

Hi all,

I feel like I've been squished by a bus. Every time I try to "reach out" it just ends up hurting more!!!!!! @Appleblossom I wanted you to know that I have requested that my thread re. family and friends get removed, but it wasn't your response that has made my inside explode. I can't even find my words to explain why my inside is exploding...but it wasn't anything you said @Appleblossom. I wanted to slip over here to respond to what you said over there. I hope that's ok @Zoe7 - I didn't know where else to go in forum land.

@Appleblossom part of why I am so socially isolated is that I have lost the casual aquaintances I had via my most recent special interest which was my uni studies (I graduated). My special interest now is my violin playing (much to the torment of my neighbours, I'm sure!!!). I did try going to the local community orchestra last year, but I'm just not good enough yet. That is one of the reasons I keep finding the money to pay for the painfully-expensive lessons though - I am still hoping to make some aquaintances that way.

When I was a child/young teen, one of my special interests was Christian theology. That is sort-of how I ended up in much of my muddle . That is one of the (many) reasons why the abuse situation at the church caused so much upheaval. Not only was it the abuse per se, or the way the church leadership and ultimately the entire church turned their back on me, but it was also because my faith was such a core part of my being. I still hold my faith but I cannot go near a church without feeling ill and my faith is confusingly and inextricably entwined with the abuse/way the abuse was handled.

So yes, you are right, my special interests SHOULD provide an opportunity for social contact, but somehow it has all got scrambled up.

I have done some searching re. adult aspie networks. Sadly, most autism-focused services are for kids. I did hang out on an aspie forum for a while but it is a huge global forum and the connections didn't feel "real." That's what I like about the SANE forums - even though they are no replacement for "friends and family" the community is small enough to develop some sense of connection.

Hey look...talking that out has distracted me from the giant feelings. Cool! Thank you @Zoe7 for letting me use your thread .

You know you are welcome in this corner of the world anytime @Phoenix_Rising. Haven't read all your post - will do that now - just wanted to let you know that I am here

@Zoe7 and @Faith-and-Hope I feel a little bit like a squatter. I sort of came in and "borrowed" @Zoe7's thread while you guys were talking Well you did say I could come and just curl up in the corner under my blanket any time @Zoe7

Oh that reminds me...guess what happened in my session with my psychologist on Monday. I had a pretty spectacular meltdown and after she tortured me a bit by putting limits around the chaos (no you can't snuggle against my leg, no you can't hit your head against my desk, no you can't start getting so loud that everyone else in the building can hear you), she did hear my pleas for a blanket. She went in search of one and actually managed to find one (she works in a large medical centre). It super helped and the rest of the session ran much more smoothly once I was snuggled under a blanket. So yeah, thank you @Zoe7 for saying I can bring my blanket with me to your thread

Don't forget your little turtle also @Phoenix_Rising. I have a teddy bear that my psychologist pulled out of her desk one day - and never got back. He comes with me to most sessions and then home with me again afterwards - at first I felt really stupid but it is a security thing and it really helps. She also has a blanket - a really nice snuggley thick one - have nearly fallen asleep under that more than once.

... and there is a permanent reserved sign in your corner just for you anytime

Glad to hear about blankets for people in psych sessions.

I've a blankie on the couch for me to hide in when watching scary things on the box.

Thanks @Phoenix_Rising for being able to reassure me about the other thread... in real time.

Been called to play piano for son .. we have weird hours.

Sometimes we need a few people to hold us .. like I feel happens here on the forum a bit.