Am Not Coping

@Zoe7 @Former-Member .... ❤️💕

Just gone pumpkin hour here ....

Have come back from viewing D1's wedding photos, and they were much kinder to me than the video .... thank goodness .... still some disaster shots, but that is to be expected .... but they ranged from there right through to a few bonus good shots .... 😊

The kids started into discussing WH's behaviour, after he and S2 had left .... and I am thinking they ought to go and talk to a family counsellor. It has taken a long time, but they finally seem ready to do that. I wanted this to happen earlier, but they wouldn't come to see the doctor and voice their concerns, which left me looking like I was in it on my own ....

Just doing a scout of forum emails, will find something to drop into F&A thread., then light's out for me ladies ....

Morning @utopia I still don't feel very well but haven't got any worse. It was one of those nights when I didn't want to go to sleep - definitely a result of the night before. I finally got about 5 more hours sleep! I am keeping warm - have the heater on which Cat loves because she can lay in front of it. Toby is ... you guessed it ... right beside me!!!

Still quite anxious about my psych appointment today but not as much as I was before I talked to @Former-Member last night.

@Faith-and-Hope It does sound like your kids are ready to at least talk about seeing a family counsellor - that must be a relief for you that you don't feel like you are in it on your own anymore. That's a huge positive!

Glad to hear there were some 'good shots' in the wedding photos - maybe 'borrow' the not so good ones and use your app to 'fix' them lol - I'm sure they aren't as bad as you think!!! In saying that - I hate photos and avoid them as much as possible.

Will check out F&A to see what you have posted later. Hope you have gotten some sleep and have a great day - that's an order from your Cap'n

Hi @Zoe7

I'm sorry you are feeling so crappy - and whatever has caused all this - I am sure we all do the same thing - we want the reason

Yes - have I over-done something? - did I catch something? - what is going on? - I get tense thinking about it and thinking about it some more and I see my doctor twice a week about my back pain so it's weird to see him about something else -

I have a strong feeling that the weather in Melbourne has caused a lot of suffering - when I turned my computer on I saw that the storms in Melbourne have caused havoc -so we are not alone

I gather you live alone as I do - and it's tough stuff to attend to all we need to - I would love to come and make you soup and tend your needs as required - I was never a nurse but I had young children - and one of them is an adult - time does pass - even the loneliest days wear away

Take it easy - I have to be careful with what I take with my medication also - but I can take most otc medication and rarely do -

But listen to your body and do what it says - I try to - and for the emotional stuff - ah - that is worse in bad weather - pull the blinds down - stay in bed if possible and read - or watch DVDs

I know how all this info and all these suggestions can seem bothersome - I can't help myself - I know how tough it is living alone when we are not well

Hugs though

Dec

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

I think except for us - you are in the situation with WH on your own - we care - we are not in the mix - and your kids don't want to be

My dd is the same about this stuff - when my mother had dementia and I was suffering because she was suffering I could have got some councelling but only if a family member was concerned enough to come with me - and she wasn't

I guess they are young and can't see why they have to see anyone - I get that - it's tough - I know that

Until you explained so much in a couple of long posts way back - I didn't get WH's probs - but after those and since I do understand - but still -

You do have a hard road - one I admit - I don't think I could tolerate - but then - I am not committed to anyone - and I have left my lazy husband and green smoke loving boyfriend in the past -

But I care about you

Dec

I am sure you are moving forward @Former-Member

It shows in your writing - there is less despair - though I have the feeling when you are at your worst you don't post

I'm here to tell you that there was a time when I felt I couldn't get out of bed - and all was dark - but that is way back in the past -

Though I do have my moments - and know - I had a good call with Life Line - brilliant actually - last week - and then sat feeling stunned - like - what do I do now - felt terrible

It passed - it does pass - the time will come I am sure when feeling so shattered will become less and less and event for you - and I will be so thrilled for you

Hugs though - hugs every day

Dec

@Owlunar It is not at all bothersome my friend. Between you and @utopia I would be very well looked after - and I don't like being 'looked after' - too independent. So for me to even say I wish you were here to help me out is a really big thing.

I am definitely just doing what needs to be done - go to appointments, look after my babies and rest. The down side is not being able to distract myself from my thoughts and that concerns me for my psych appointment. I know how I usually feel after sessions and feeling sick is not going to help me afterwards. I think it is going to be a really tough day (and most likely night) and hopefully there will be some support around - I don't mean to pre-empt anything but I can already see the signs - and think I am really going to need it.

Zoe

@utopia @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

I made it to my psych app - it went ok. I think she ius actually starting to get how hard the nights really are. We have an extra long appointment next week to try and tackle some of it. Definitely not looking forward to it but know it needs to be done. She also recognised that it has to be 'the right time' and not when it is going to be too distressful for me - so it will be a case of 'see how I am' when I get there next week. I made it very clear today that it wasn't my childhood 'stuff' that was keeping me awake and affecting me through the night. I actually told her that it was my fears around what happened when I was asleep and that I think if I sleep I will not wake up. She knows the all about this 'incident' and I think she is now aware of the long term impact it has had. I honestly don't know how we are going to tackle this one but her knowing exactly what is causing me the most stress and anxiety is a start. Not sure how I am going to cope with tackling this either - it's an extremely long pattern of thinking and behaviour that we need to change and it is going to be very difficult.

My GP has also switched around when I take my meds to try and help with getting some sleep at night and hopefully help my brain to switch off a bit more. We are going to try this change and see if it both helps with sleep and makes me less tired during the day.

I do have an ear and throat infection - and a slight fever - so that could be adding to my lethargy - have antibiotics to take for that.

@Former-Member How did your appointment go?

@utopia Going to curl up on the couch and try and make it through MaFS tonight and then hopefully straight to bed - if I fall asleep on the couch I will just stay there - then you'll have to fill me in on what happens!!!!

Hope your days have been better than mine!

Zoe