Am Not Coping

It is hard @Zoe7 with finances. I know I feel much less stressed if I have just enough to pay my bills. I don't need more than that although it is nice to have $5 to get a coffee out from time to time. I'm about to freak myself out with all that again as I have to tell Centrelink my youngest is working. Bit scared about it all. I am looking forward to the day I no longer need to rely on them. Sorry that you are feeling alone. I think some days feel like that more than others.

I took meds last night that made me sleep 14 hours and groggy for the first two I was awake but I feel so much better for it. I was struggling a lot mentally. Hopefully this week you'll get those meds sorted out better too. I have a love hate relationship with these ones because I lose control over about 16 hours but then feel much calmer and less anxious when I've taken them.

Thanks @utopia. Talk tomorrow

Sweet dreams my friend.

Sending you lots of warm hugs to help keep you warm.

Zoe

@Former-Member It's really hard to determine what effect my meds are having at the moment because of how unwell I am feeling. I know that I was seeming to be coping better during the day - even though I was still tired - but the nights are still an issue. Last night was the worst I have been for a while. I am really glad there was nothing extra in the house because although I probably wouldn't have done anything the temptation wasn't there 'just in case'. I actually couldn't move last night - was pretty much frozen in fear and pain so even though that was extremely distressing it was also probably a good thing! I really am so sick of these ups and downs and feeling constantly like it isn't worth it. I don't want to go to the psychologist tomorrow because I know what effect it is going to have on me - and I already feel terrible.

Already getting teary just thinking about it - and that just makes me feel even sicker than I do already.

I hope you can get as much rest tonight and you feel calmer tomorrow

I guess what im thinking @Zoe7 if you could find meds that take you out with just one or two (prescribed) for the nights the days would be just that bit better and things like therapy might be possible. If my therapist had seen me today she would have been so excited that I was ok not in crisis. Try not to worry about yours. She's definitely not going to push you if you are so unwell. She'll just be trying to find ways to support you until you are more stable. When I was in a place more out of control than now I was told that I couldn't see a psychologist until I was stable. That went really badly and I became more suicidal. My therapist tends to make hay when the sun shines with me and helps me through the tough times the best she can. I'm sure your psychologist will too. I think it will be good for you to reestablish this relationship. You don't have to do anymore than that for tomorrow and you have control in that too.

@Former-Member The meds I have now for nightime do 'take me out' most of the time. Sometimes I really fight the sleepiness because my fears take over. They usually give me a few hours of sleep but I still have the nightmares and that is when I wake up. This is the worst time for me because I am still really 'bombed out' and when this is combined with me being really scared and distressed I often don't know exactly what I'm doing.

Thankyou for what you said about seeing my psychologist. I think that really is what I needed to hear to take the stress out of seeing her tomorrow a little bit. The last time I saw her was just after I tried to OD so there is alot of stuff that probably just needs to be put aside for now and the relationship needs to be re-established a little bit before I move on with sorting out anything else.

I'll do you a deal @Zoe7. What if we both take our meds and try to sleep now. I'll front up to meet my new care coordinator (who is male and I'm scared of without meeting him yet) if you do with your psychologist who you know is nice 😊. I've been procrastinating but feel like it would be ok at the moment. I've just got to hope I get enough sleep and am ok tomorrow but I'll stick to it. There's no obligation for you to take me up. Just trying to find a way to motivate each other.

@Former-Member I really wish I could just sleep right through without the nightmares. This has been going on for so long. In my sessions - when we even touch on these - my psychologist will often stop because of how distressed I get. I can't seem to make any inroads into stopping them. We have tried a few things but it often makes the next couple of days even more difficult. Sometimes I do really wonder what the point is - because it isn't helping and nothing is changing - in fact it seems to be getting worse.

Take your meds @Former-Member and get some rest. I understand that fear around meeting someone new - I wouldn't be able to do it - especially a male - but I have full confidence that you will be fine

Get some sleepmy friend and let me know how it goes tomorrow (today).

I'll be ok - just don't want to go to sleep just yet - need to avoid that just for a little bit longer - too much in my head and know how that will affect me if it is dark and I close my eyes.

Sweet dreams @Former-Member and goodluck with your new care co-ordinator

It's ok @Zoe7 sometimes it takes time for these things to make inroads. Try to take pressure off yourself with it because that's probably making it harder. This is all the pot calling the kettle black but I also know it's true. The more we stress about things the less chance there is of changing them. I've been having intensive therapy for 5 years now and in some things I've not progressed one bit. In others I can see the growth. It will take how long it takes. Think I'm channelling @Faith-and-Hope tonight 😳😘. Two years ago I was having two appointments weekly with a clinical psychologist who thought we'd power through. It didn't turn out that way but I look back now and so much of that therapy was really important for me to be still sitting here typing. I had a huge setback about 15 months ago which took me right back but when I'm having a better day now I feel like I'm heading in the right direction. On a bad day I can't see the point and want to end it. I think you'll have good days again too. 💜🤗