Hello @Eden1919 .
Yes you've been trying for months. In the meantime it seems your care manager and psychiatrist have been missing in action. You have every right to be angry. And you're absolutely welcome to let off steam in this forum and be heard and validated.
Have you written or emailed? I think it would be reasonable to give them feedback, and in text you have the chance to say what you need to without being interrupted or shut down, and without being disadvantaged by feeling unequal/shy/inarticulate as many of us do. I realise you wouldn't have much autonomy or control under a CTO to find other providers so it's even more important to try to get through to them. I've been fobbed off by my vet for months so I finally emailed the practice, and got tests and treatment for my cat. A while back I gave feedback to a gp who'd dismissed a problem that ended up needing several hospital visits, and is likely to need surgery. And I terminated a psychologist who'd accused me of habitual lying - she later tried to justify herself by saying it might remind me of childhood trauma - which it did but not in the way she'd hoped, as I was incapable of responding at the time but was a wreck afterwards. What I'm trying to say is that you deserve to be heard you should be heard, if any communication channels at all are open to you you should try to use them even if you have to google them.
I apologise for my rant @Eden1919 but I feel very strongly that your despair should be channelled outwards towards the team who should have a duty of care and not directed inwards at yourself. You've been through so much in the maybe 2 or 3 years I've known you and I'm happy to keep supporting you on these forums for as long as it takes - in other words, indefinitely.
Take care. You don't seem to visit the forums often but I want you to know there are people who care about you.
Dimity
