creative_writerSenior Contributor
Listening to triggering music
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
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Listening to triggering music
656 replies
In response to: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme I do have a doctors appointment tomorrow now, it’s a relief they had a cancellation. It’s like week 2 now and I’m still sick. It’s already been so long. I’m trying to keep up fluids.
I do sometimes watch, though it was making my head hurt earlier. It might be possible now that I’ve taken pain relief. I don’t know if reading too much would be a strain on the eyes. I’ve had to dim the screen and popped on my evening blue light blocking glassing
I do sometimes watch, though it was making my head hurt earlier. It might be possible now that I’ve taken pain relief. I don’t know if reading too much would be a strain on the eyes. I’ve had to dim the screen and popped on my evening blue light blocking glassing
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
My brain thinks what does it need to move forward. I am just left lost. Can’t seem to shake this suffocation. It may not be as intense as it was earlier today, but I can’t get rid of it I can’t get my brain to do normal things, too scattered to function. Even basic things like prayer feels hard. I suppose I always struggle to concentrate when praying
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer "...too scattered to function" ohhhh I feel that! I'm sorry to hear things are feeling so suffocating for you hun 🥺
Anything worth chatting about?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx being sick isn’t helping. I think my brain is naturally searching for its dopamine because I feel too paralysed to function, and perhaps it’s looking in places that aren’t healthy. I just have a general suffocation feeling, like I don’t know what to do. I want to do things but I haven’t been up to doing much and I haven’t left the house since Saturday. I only left it for a doctors appointment
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer aye the eternal search for dopamine is a flippin' slog I tell you what.
I've been trying to use movement for my dopamine a bit more lately, ever since I found out how helpful it is for mood regulation. Do you do regular yoga practice or anything similar? Just thinking if you're hella sickly, some gentle stretches are a lot more approachable than like, a walk or something!
You in that sorta...listlessness of excess time and can't think of any of the things you could be doing? I get that. Hmmm you could try to have a think back to when you were in the midst of your studies - were there things you kept putting off, declining, or avoiding because you had to study? Literally anything - tv shows, books, hobbies, arts n craft projects - anything come to mind?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx stretches are more doable with a fever and tickly chest. I think I’m feeling the effects more of ADHD when sick, probably the inflammation. I’ve also been more depressed too and been getting teary spells. Doing a bit of self-sabotage and depriving myself of help from others. I can call a helpline. I could reach out to a friend. I could get the ball rolling for the psych. Yet I’m telling myself that I must carry everything by myself.
I do have to thread carefully and stick to easy tasks and not do them in excess. I was watching a TV show earlier today and my head couldn’t take it by the end. I’ve taken pain relief so the pain isn’t so bad anymore. Probably have a sinus thing going on. I ate dessert for lunch, the good old halva and I don’t know what I’ll have for dinner, my appetite is still poor
I do have to thread carefully and stick to easy tasks and not do them in excess. I was watching a TV show earlier today and my head couldn’t take it by the end. I’ve taken pain relief so the pain isn’t so bad anymore. Probably have a sinus thing going on. I ate dessert for lunch, the good old halva and I don’t know what I’ll have for dinner, my appetite is still poor
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
I do have to dash @creative_writer I am sorry my time blindness has overtaken me after the holidays!!
I just wanted to say though... having to carry everything by yourself? That sounds really isolating, especially since we're social animals by nature - physically and mentally we did not evolve to cope alone. And also, isolation in some schools of thought is actual torture. What could you possibly have done to deserve such treatment?
Please be kind to yourself hun, if you can?
Chat soon 💜
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx time blindness can be savage. It can go both ways, you may underestimate but you may also overestimate. I have been the ridiculously super early before too.
Part of it is fear. I am also wondering if part of it comes down to self worth. Not feeling worthy of relationships can increase the likelihood of self-isolation. I do self sabotage at times. Self harm can also be emotional. My self worth needs improvement
Catch you another time 💖
Part of it is fear. I am also wondering if part of it comes down to self worth. Not feeling worthy of relationships can increase the likelihood of self-isolation. I do self sabotage at times. Self harm can also be emotional. My self worth needs improvement
Catch you another time 💖
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
I hope the appointment goes well @creative_writer . I'll wait to hear from you tomorrow.
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer yeah it's gnarly hey!! And like, all it takes is a week of me not having to pay attention to my time management and I'm all outta whack!
For sure, self-worth would play a big part I reckon. We behave in accordance with our narratives and if our narrative is one of low self-worth we may unconsciously avoid potential connections because we already decided we're not good enough.
Could always spend some time reflecting on your worthy qualities! You have so many!
