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Help for 14yr old with BPD

Blackcat2Casual Contributor10 Oct 2024, 5:44 pm AEDT

Help for 14yr old with BPD

My 14 yr old daughter has not been formally diagnosed with BPD, but a private psychiatrist has said she has ‘personality vulnerabilities’ based on 7 year mental health history and escalating behaviours after a suicide attempt resulting in an ED visit, we were referred to CYMHS, who have finally conceded after two months that she has all of the characteristics of BPD so we are potential tally dealing with a personality disorder and have now arranged a psychiatric assessment.
however, myself and her stepmum are at breaking point due to years of my daughters behavior towards us and her little sister which has escalating ijnoadt two months (her dad is actively not engaging with issues-working away). She has now been expelled from school which only worsens the situation for everyone.

I am wondering if there are any private treatment options I could look at. Even if overseas.
I just don’t feel my daughter is getting the treatment she needs, and as a family, we are utterly broken and need to do something. I am at the point where I have lost all hope and feel that I can no longer live with my daughter, or allow my youngest daughter to, as she is a serious risk to our physical and mental health.
thanks

8 replies

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In response to: Help for 14yr old with BPD

tymeModerator10 Oct 2024, 8:58 pm AEDT

Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

Hi there @Blackcat2 ,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm not a clinician, but I have had years of experience with BPD.

It sounds like they can only say she has 'traits' of BPD because it's hard to separate from the general 'teenage brain'. Hence, a clear diagnosis of BPD is not usually given until more in late teens or adulthood (when the changes in the brain are more settled).

If you are working with a personality disorder, there is no quick fix. Psychotherapy along with a strong willingness from the individual is needed as part of recovery.

I'm not sure whether your 14 yr old is willing or ready to make any changes?

It sounds like the best thing you can do it look after yourself and continue to work with CYMHS to see if there is more going on than a personality disorder.

In response to: Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

RakuCasual Contributor11 Oct 2024, 12:25 am AEDT

Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

My daughter was diagnosed my CYMHS at the same age. She is nearly 20 now. She started CAT therapy briefly and then was referred to drug and alcohol. I didn't know at the time she had a substance use problem and undiagnosed ADHD. CYMHS outer east would not treat dual diagnosis. At 16 I got private insurance and she started DBT. Her behaviours were extreme and high risk and there's no way the public system would have tolerated Her. She also knew that in the public system they will prioritise you if your suicidal so she would present to ED, calm down and then day she was not suicidal any more, so CYMHS wouldn't pick her up again. I think we were living in a particularly poor catchment with a backwards culture. I think with the nature of BPD you need access to services quickly and when the young person us ready to engage. You can strike while the iron is hot in private. I hope that helps.

In response to: Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

RakuCasual Contributor11 Oct 2024, 12:31 am AEDT

Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

I strongly disagree with the myth that BPD can only be diagnosed in late teens, early adult. There were teens in my daughters DBT group that didn't have BPD. DBT skills are beneficial for everyone, fantastic life skills. If your child will engage then go for it, if they "grow out" of their BPD then even better. Find a paediatric Psychiatrist.

In response to: Help for 14yr old with BPD

RakuCasual Contributor11 Oct 2024, 1:01 am AEDT

Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

I too have a younger daughter 3 years younger. She has been exposed to too much especially when my daughter was 14 to 17. Of course each family is different. My daughter with BPD also developed CPTSD and a substance use disorder so her behaviours were extreme and risks very high. The BPD does seem to be at it's worst in teen years, chaos. I don't want to alarm you if this is not your situation but I did toy with the idea of my younger daughter living with my Mum. She spent a lot of time there during crisis. I understand the grief of trying to keep your family together. I think I normalised being in damage control. The best think for my daughter was last year funding was available for young carers. She had a role model and mentor weekly and she absolutely thrived. So important to not forget the young carers too. It's a devastating illness and at the same time the only illness that you can recover from. There is hope but it's a long road. Set limits that protect you now because you can't protect her from her illness if that makes sense. It's exhausting work and can be done, they can learn but there BPD monster is not going to like it. She won't get better on her own but in relationship with you. Sometimes that's not achievable as we're only human. BPD is treated in a community setting in Australia. There's no private facilities that I know of like I read of in American posts. If they're sectioned and forced it doesn't make them engage with therapies. It would give you a break though which would be nice! There's not a lot for under 16s either, my daughter missed 18 months of school from 14. It's amazing that I can still stick myself back together again really. I was told by the ED department that the only way my daughter could access the in patient treatment that was desperately needed was for me to refuse to pick her up and she'd become a ward of the state. I couldn't do it to her.

In response to: Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

tacocatSenior Contributor11 Oct 2024, 1:37 am AEDT

Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

Hi @Raku

Thanks for sharing your story, and your insights.

I just wanted to send you a quick welcome message. I hope you will feel at home here amongst our community 🙂

In response to: Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

tymeModerator11 Oct 2024, 7:00 pm AEDT

Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

@Raku wrote:
I strongly disagree with the myth that BPD can only be diagnosed in late teens, early adult. There were teens in my daughters DBT group that didn't have BPD.

Hey @Raku , thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm interested in the above comment you made. Are you able to clarify what you meant about the teens in your daughter's DBT group that didn't have BPD? Were they supposed to have BPD?

In response to: Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

RakuCasual Contributor12 Oct 2024, 3:55 pm AEDT

Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

Thank you.

In response to: Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

RakuCasual Contributor12 Oct 2024, 4:08 pm AEDT

Re: Help for 14yr old with BPD

You're welcome.

I discovered that two of the five teens did not have BPD. One had BPD traits and his mother agreed with BPD but the teen did not have any insight or acceptance of this. His Mum pushed him to attend but he didn't engage with the group....he still may have got something out of it though. Another teen had anxiety, she seemed pretty well to me. So a private paediatric psych can make these referals without a BPD diagnosis. The clinic we attended ran DBT skills for trauma and addictions as well. It's up to the individual to apply the DBT skills to there own lie. Teen groups run with a parent and did help me build the trust up with my daughter. I would recommend going private without waitlists once you've been picked up by a psychiatrist. The public system can't keep there books open for as long like when they don't turn up for a few sessions...then you have to wait again. Unless they are suicidal they can't refuse you. I found more staff changes too in public. I hope this helps. I'm new to the forum and I wish I could have picked someone's brain when my daughter was just diagnosed.

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