MJG017Senior Contributor
Adoption Perspectives.
I hope this is the right place to post this. It's not really a mental health discussion, but can easily be for many people. I wanted to create this discussion so people can talk about their experiences with being an adoptee, an adoptive parent, being a sibling or friend of someone who is adopted, etc... basically anyone affected by adoption or wanting to understand the effects of it on people closely involved.
A little about my own adoption history. I was born in December 1970 to a single mother at the time. I always knew I was adopted and it effected a lot of things about me growing up, and still to this day. I never really felt like I was a part of my adoptive family, I felt so different from them and never formed any close connections with them. This became a pattern throughout my life and i still struggle to this day to form close relationships with anyone. I always struggled badly with self confidence and self esteem as well
Three years ago I finally found my biological family. They apparently knew about me and were pleased I had gotten in contact with them. This was a huge relief for 2 reasons. The first was that I sort of contacted them accidentally (long story), and I had never tried to find them before in my life because I was always far too terrified that I would be rejected again. So it was a big relief. I found out that I had 5 siblings, of which I was the 2nd youngest... 2 were kept, and 3 were also adopted out. I also found out that a sister had applied for the adoption records of myself and the youngest brother in 2001 in order to find us. A letter was sent to the adoptive mothers of each of us. The adoptive mother of my younger brother replied saying he wasn't interested in contact but sent some photos of him. This was the first time I knew anything about any letter to my adoptive mother. Knowing her as I do, I know she would have never shown me that letter out of fear I would leave her.
My biological mother was living in a nursing home interstate near where my sister now lived. A few months after getting to know them, I went over for a few days to meet my sister and mother. It was an incredible time for me and timely as it turned out, because sadly my mother passed a few months later. So I was happy that I at least got to meet and talk to her and tell her that I had always wanted to meet her. I had spent a lifetime too scared to find her, and now I find out she was just as scared to meet me! I still struggle with the fact I took so long to find her, because I only got to spend a few hours with her and that still hurts.
Since she passed, I don't really hear from my 2 sisters and brother at all anymore. I occasionally hear from my oldest sister (also adopted out) every so often, but that's about it.
I also found out recently about the idea of insecure attachment styles (which I thought described me perfectly) and that it is very common in adoptees. Then a few weeks ago I found out that it was common for single mothers during the 50s to the 80s to be forced to give up their babies, so i'm currently trying to deal with how I feel about this new information after decades of thinking about my adoption so differently.
So feel free to share your own experiences, ask any questions, and discuss anything you would like to related to adoption and how it affects people involved in any way with it.
@Oaktree
