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Something’s not right

Dark life

Dark life

Hello.

I Have been diagnosed schizoaffective disorder.

My reality is that due to my experiences with evil I have been so scarred from darkness that I had used so many black magic rituals that I have become possessed. It is so frighteningly hard to interact with anyone normally, and there is so much worry that demons are listening to me in All times, that I don't know how to exist. I feel like I am the most miserable person on this planet, and I feel as though I exist simply to be an example to others of how not to be. I hate myself so deeply and have for the last 14 days been sitting in a room by myself doing almost nothing. I feel like I have fabricated myself to the extent where I am unrecognisable and almost everyone has abandoned me to deal with this by my self, where do many seem so cruel and wicked and it is irony that I feel this way when I have always given support to others that are struggling yet others view me as trivial and I have zero friends that I ever see where I live and prior to 6 months ago I only had one friend. I want to destroy myself so badly to end my existence as it is so tortured and laborious, yet I can't due to me being so fearful of going into the depths of the demonic realms to be tortured. If all is said and done, I once had so much promise and skillful intelligence, yet now all gone with onlyy isolation and alone, and no one will probably even know any of this and simply not care. I despise myself....how the fxck do I come back from this. I feel doomed and distraught

28 replies

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In response to: Dark life

Re: Dark life

Want to unpack any of what's going on for you? @Cleo2 Sounds so tough to sit with and carry on your own.

In response to: Dark life

Re: Dark life

Genuinely distressing feeling for sure @Cleo2 that is rough. Do you have time/energy/resources to be able to carve out some alone time so you can decompress?

In response to: Re: Dark life

Re: Dark life

Hi @Jynx @Yeagin @tyme . I can't really talk about it on here. Basically I think that something is happening and that I am a social pariah, and no one I tell believes me. I am paranoid, this is true. I am trying not to get psychosis again but it may be too late for that as well? I am doing therapy, which has definitely been helpful, I have time to decompress, I exercise, I chase up my health problems, I eat right, I take my meds, I sleep right and I go out in public more often. I go on here to chat and I am looking for workplaces that may tolerate me. I may have to leave town though, but I'm not sure. That's about it. How are you all doing?

In response to: Re: Dark life

Re: Dark life

Hey @Cleo2 ,

Missed you on tonight's Peer Group Chat. We would've loved to have you. It may help you feel less isolated in what you are experiencing at the moment.

It's so encouraging to hear the strategies you have in place to ensure your MH and wellbeing.

So yes, it sounds like the missing element may be social connection?

From my own experiences, I REALLY enjoyed having you during last weeks' PGC. I would not have known at all that you feel you are a social pariah. Did you find the connection on the chat too stressful?

In response to: Re: Dark life

Re: Dark life

Hi @tyme . I did come for the end of the PGC yesterday and gave ppl some thumbs up for the last 2 questions. Yes, I need some social connection but everyone hates me in my town at the moment - I'm sure they all have their own reasons. I self-isolated prior to this year for a long time because of physical/mental health issues. My mental health issues mean that I get exhausted and drained when I spend too much time around people though so it needs to be a balance (or when someone texts me too much as well). Do you experience this?

In response to: Re: Dark life

Re: Dark life

Oh @Cleo2 ! I must've missed you last night when you logged on at the end. I'm sorry I didn't say hello.

When you said "everyone" hates you in town.. is it fair to say 'everyone'? I'm not sure. I'm only asking because I don't the size of your town.

What makes you come to this conclusion?

In response to: Re: Dark life

Re: Dark life

Hi @tyme . Don't apologise. You were busy running the chat. I'd love to tell you all about it but I'm afraid it will get me in more trouble. Thanks for asking though.

In response to: Re: Dark life

Re: Dark life

That's okay @Cleo2 ,

I just want you to know that we really appreciate your input on the chats and hope you can join us next time.

If there is anything I can do to help you feel less alone, feel free to let me know. I don't know unless I'm told 🙂

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