Never being in a relationship

Let's be honest. What's the common denominator @Former-Member ?

I'm saying because I care, and not because I'm saying that what you feel is not real.

Unless something changes, nothing will...

But from what I gather, is it possible that the WHOLE WORLD hates you because it doesn't meet your expectations?

I only heard this while at church today - and yes, I was thinking of you. Not the part about the whole world, but moreso, the sermon was things seemingly go 'wrong' because situations don't meet our expectations - or something like this.

Honestly, I care. Otherwise, I wouldn't be thinking about you. But I don't want to post for the fear of making you feel invalidated or to hurt you further.

I just feel you have so much to give, but there is a barrier. Is it the world that is a barrier? It is the system that's the barrier? Or is it something else? Please don't answer me here. It's for you to contemplate.

It's better I stop here.

I can check-in with you another day if you feel up for it. Or I'll wait for you to tag me if you want company.

@tyme

I know what you are getting at and I personally believe that I have done a lot of work in the 6 years that have passed.

- I am firmly into my career now as a teacher.

- I actually might be able to move out soon.

- I do have more friends since then.

- I have written albums of music since then and am halfway through another one.

- I have done some travelling since then.

- I have done more work on myself.

- I have lost [several] kilograms since the end of school last year.

- I have clear ambitions and goals.

The problem is society is completely messed up and the system works against people like me, particularly autistic men like me. It is hard for us to engage in the dating world due to the pre conceived ideas and notions that we still have about dating.

To sum it all up, I personally believe I have changed. A LOT, like the the person who I was 6 years ago is different to the one I am now. I am doing the work and I have the capacity for something greater.

[I feel] the problem is the world has just lost the plot, no one knows what they want or has any idea over how to get there. [I feel] people have no values, ambition, principles, or things they stand for anymore.

I am aware of the things I can control and have made those changes. [I feel] society has not changed and only people who are charming, superficial, or vain are the ones winning. That's where [I think] society has serious flaws that is causing more men to leave the dating apps now because we are doing the work but no one is giving us a chance.

Hey @Former-Member ,

I am not denying for even ONE second that you have not tried. I can see you have tried a lot. I can see your talents. I can see your strengths. I can see your goals.

Do you think once you move out, then things will change? Are people put off by knowing you are living at home (I don't know. I'm only asking).

Just a quick note, your post was blocked by our triage system for 2 reasons:

1) You named the number of kgs lost - this is not permitted as a blanket rule on this site

2) The generalisations made about people in general - share that this is your thought/opinion instead.

I've edited your post above so that it can be published. If you prefer it not to be edited, I can remove the post altogether. I'm just mindful that there is precious content in your post that may be so helpful for the community to read.

Besides that, IF I were looking for someone (which I'm not), I would find what you have shared to be 'attractive' - if you know what I mean. I know what it takes to be a teacher - I've been there, done that.

So is it the face to face interaction that is holding you back? I don't know? The fact that you actually get to meet up with people tells me it's not your dating app profile which is the issue. I don't know what happens when you go on dates (and I don't need to know), but is this something you can reflect on as a way to move forward?

I just want to say that I don't HATE you. Neither are we against you.

We just hope things move forward for you in a way that want.

@tyme

I definitely believe moving out could help in that regard. I dont want to say specifically what I think because I worry I will get blocked.

The dates tend to be fine, some go for a few hours and we talk about everything (philosophy, politics, comedy, etc.). Then they go away and tell me that they just didn't feel it. Yet I have had some female friends tell me in the past that the men they date cant hold conversations. So what am I doing wrong then?? I have reflected so much and I dont know what is going on.

I think what I have established is that I am a niche guy who is into a variety of different interests, I have worked on myself for over 10 years and still feel like that others who are not are getting the rewards and not me, I am an autistic man and there is still so much expectation on an autistic man in this patriarchal society.

I will never be in a relationship because of those things.

hey there @Former-Member just saw this post now, i'll be on tomorrow if you want to chat more about this. but before i head off i do want to say - if your goal is to be in a relationship, i have faith you will reach that goal. can't tell you when or how, but i believe you can accomplish it.

i'm really sorry you feel like those traits of yours are a reason for 'not being in a relationship'. but i'd say having a diverse interest and working on yourself are all pros, not cons. sending you hugs 💙

@rav3n

I would like to think they are pros as well but I think I m just a niche person who doesn't have many options in my life. I think people want general interests, not specific ones.

I am 100% a loser who deserves nothing because my brain is wired differently to everyone else.

I'm so sorry you've been made to feel that you're not deserving of things @Former-Member

Being different definitely doesn't mean that you are any less deserving than anyone else.

I'm trying to think about what I've encountered before with general vs specific or niche interests. The only times I think I've seen specific interests hold someone back from making connections is when they aren't able to also extend their interest to things that the other person values as well. Or when they are only looking for someone who shares their specific interest, which is valid but can narrow down the options a bit.

@Ru-bee

I agree with you and I definitely dont do that. One of my special interests is playing guitar and writing music, you would be amazed over how many women do not find that interesting.

oh wow, i knew about the guitar but you write music as well!? that's really cool @Former-Member

i'm sorry to hear about your experience. i'm a bit surprised that people didn't find that interesting... a lot of my friends are big music lovers so i know that sort of stuff would've piqued their interest. i have a few specific interests too, so i often feel like i'm not everybody's cup of tea (which i'm fine with, some people aren't my cup of tea either). how about your friends? do they show interest in your music stuff?