am i the only listener?

Hi @Former-Member,

I can appreciate your feelings about constantly listening but not being listened to - a lack of reciprocity in emotional support can be so draining, disappointing, frustrating and probably a whole range of other emotions... what do you experience?

I hope you feel like people listen to your story here

hello @Shimmer

Thank you for responding.

I have isolated myself so well for so long. Yesterday was our first social outing that I have agreed to go to and just couldnt face people for a while. I have been so entrenched in my grief and self pity that I did not have the energy to brave it so to speak with others. Plus as I said I am the listener. I did not want to hear one more word of self pity from others over something so minimal in comparison to what people have spoken about on here.

No, I do not feel that I am treated in that way on here. That is why I have been able to express my feelings and felt safe.

If I am to be perfectly honest I have wondered on occasion whether I have replied in a way that would not further exasperate how someone was feeling. also i have wondered perhaps in my expressing so much that I have not diminished the feelings of others. Perhaps made some feel inadequate. Perhaps even made others not feel that they were listened to.

I am just back in a very bad place after yesterdays confirmation of not being heard or worthwhile.

Today in trying to further empathise and listen to my twin who cares for my elderly mum, i found myself losing it with her. she has always had a way of not listening, just advising, telling. So today I lost it and told her that I had had enough. I could not believe what she was saying and I wasnt prepared to listen any further. I hung up the telephone. NOw feel guilty about that. She didnt need that either.

So I give up, I thing I will practise being silent.

hello @pip @esprit @Shimmer

my twin and I are different, think differently but have the very strong twin bond and love one another dearly.

She is just bossy. She has had a lot to deal with losing her partner of 25 years to cancer, 6years ago when both reasonably young. She had cancer herself in her early 50's, operation, heavy chemo and all clear.

Since losing her partner she has had one operation after another and had so much sickness. I believe it is partly related to not expressing her grief. She chose to have mum live with her back then and now she is mum's carer. mum is being difficult and wont let me assist. Mum gives sister a hard time, gets passed along not intentionally though.

Mirror twins, she has physical illnesses I have mental illnesses. She means well.

Yesterday, I had just had enough. enough of everything.

so am going into my shell.

Have advocate visiting today to help me with work issues. Not looking forward to stuff all being dredged up again but has to be done for advocate to be able to assist.

hope all of you are travelling safely and hoping that my post does not bring anyone down.

thanks for listening xx

hello @pip

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.

You are correct in the fact that we have almost completely opposite personalities. All 3 of us including mum are very loyal to family. We are all so different though. Mum and sister want my help but not my input. Also only want my help when they ask.

Neither of them can express their feelings and do not understand or make any effort to understand mental illness. When I have been hospitalised they dont visit. The last two hospital stays I did not tell them. Sister rang eventually and told me off said she knew something was wrong as I had not phoned in a while. So my keeping up contact was eventually noticed as being absent. She went in to a detailed how I need to look after myself better even though she knows nothing about mental illness or wants to. So I told her that is exactly why I dont discuss it with you. I am drained from her why this, why that. Hence yesterday, they know my situation with my son and surely anyone going through that would have anxiety and low tolerance level. So I lost it because I feel that they just dismiss my mental illness yet when someone else presents with it come across as feeling very sorry for the person.

Mum is mentally very well for 90. she is in constant pain though and this would make her irritable. she doesnt go anywhere anymore so must be bored to bits. I just think that there are many carer feelings coming out and also person being cared for feelings showing. I have spoken to both of them at different times and now they just need to work it out themselves. Their personalities are at play.

I am angry. I probably need to stop here. I am just fed up of putting everyone else first because I am the empathic one.

Hello @pip, @Former-Member, @esprit, @Shimmer xx

Hello @Former-Member You have much on your plate my friend xx

I agree with what @pip has written

hello @pip @Shaz51

Yes you are spot on. I do need to be assertive with my sister. I just know how vulnerable and fragile she is. She shows a very loving, caring side too. So I have ambivalent feelings.

I also feel as though I am the one holding everyone up at the moment. They are all frightened to death that I am totally going to lose the plot, go "mad" and they would not know how to cope. That would mean having to express feelings!! Whilst it might be good for me it would be devastating for too many. Domino effect.

I talk it out in my psychotherapy and work through it that way.

My oldest son detained, diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia oct 2016, ITO then CTO then escaped state, missing persons, police found thought ok, report cancelled. son not accepting ill, very clever at hiding. no medication. will not tell his dad and I where he is. cut me off because i would not give any more money. dad has continued but is going to stop sooner than later as has given too much already. son changed phone no. does not respond to emails. so no contact for me. has only contacted dad when needed money.

I hope that he is safe, with trustworthy people and content with his new life. I pray that his illness does not deteriorate.I have spoken to psychiatric ward of public hospital in state he is in just incase he gets detained and has no ID for whatever reason. He stutters badly when extremely anxious and not on any medication.They have mine and his dad's phone no to ring us if this happens and we will go to him. I will not allow myself to think past that.

Today I have advocate visit to assist me with union who are supposed to be advocating for me re work issue.

Am over husband's family judging me and talking about me behind my back. keep that contained so does not become an issue between husband and self.

younger son close to me and very caring. I have helped him through his issues growing up with anger between his brother and dad. Feel that I have some success.