Hi @Blackcloud
I only just came across this discussion and just wanted to tell you that this Gen-x'er completely understands how hard it is fitting in anywhere socially. I've always struggled really badly with it, especially when I was in school. Even when I got older and how to find work, I struggled badly there because the thought of going into a strange place, full of people that I didn't know, absolutely terrified me!
So I avoided it. Mainly because the thought of even applying gave me so much anxiety that would get so bad that I just stopped applying because it forgot so bad that I just couldn't function. I never felt I could explain to anyone how much I was struggling because I felt humiliated and ashamed so I struggled on avoiding people and feeling like a complete and hopeless failure.
By the time I had gotten a little better at it, i Had been unemployed for a while and I still didn't have any confidence around people so applications didn't go well and i went my self worth went backwards and any improvement in that area was lost.
I got a volunteer position in the late 90s and they were so impressed by what I could do, they gave me a job, teaching computer skills to people originally (which was also terrifying) and then managing all their computers and their network. I stayed for 20 years.
It's hard when you dont feel like you fit in, in so many ways. And it's hard to talk to anyone because you just get told to go and talk to people. No one seems to understand how hard that is. It eats away at your confidence and it feels like it will never change.
It can change, maybe not a lot, but enough to start to find people to connect with. It took me over 40 years to even start to do this. Then just over another 10 to really get anywhere. Now i'm not saying you have to wait that long, just that it took me so long to even try. You're here now in this group telling people how you feel, and that was a massive first step for me. Everything I've achieved in getting better around people and with my self-esteem, was built from that first time reaching out on an online forum similar to this one. So be proud of yourself. Even coming here and sharing what you already have has put you on the right path. Just stick with it, even when you feel like you're getting nowhere. Because you are!
In my experience, people just tend to avoid people who aren't very outgoing. And not because they don't like the quiet person sitting alone in the back corner, but... i think, because they assume that person wants to be left alone. It like we put a big sign on our head that says 'leave me alone'. The right people for us don't see that sign. These are the people who will make your life better and happier. It's just a matter of finding them.
So have some faith in yourself @Blackcloud. You are worth knowing, worth liking, worth getting to know. And because of how we grew up, I'm sure you would be among the more caring and empathetic friend a person could have.
That fear is the kicker though. That's the battle. But the trick is to learn we fear the wrong thing. We are used to rejection... being ignored is rejection so what does it matter if we risk getting a little more? Talk to people, let them get to know you. It only take 1 or 2 people who you get on well with to change everything.
