New therapist

@Dimity think I’d like/need to get some type of blockout blind for the windows. Something that can be rolled up in winter to let light through, especially in my lounge room.

i am thinking about seeing if it’s possible to have zip locked roll down blinds installed around my back patio area. Be nice when there is fresh breeze to be able to fully open the glass sliding doors and screen doors, sit outside in the shade plus it will be secure enough for the cats to join me.

I’m not familiar with the terms cellular/honeycomb blinds. Something to research

@Former-Member cellular blinds aka honeycomb blinds are internal blinds that are thermally insulating. They come in different grades including blockout. I want to replace my old drapes and scrim.

I've tried hunting for a new therapist but there's hardly anyone suitable locally and they're not taking new clients. I've been nervous about asking my gp but will have to to do something soon as she'll be away in January.

@Dimity I like having lace curtains on majority of windows. As a kid never having anything like that whereas other people did might have some connection, don’t know.

These are the 2 areas that let in lot of sun and/or glare.
Both are standard for large number of homes here, main differences are floor plans and sizes of homes. Second one is on top of triple sliding doors and, as you can see, not the easiest window to work with …. Not for me anyway

I found it quite challenging and daunting to discuss with previous local doctor a request to psychologist and psychiatrist. That doctor had me discuss the situation with my psychologist regarding her thoughts prior to referring me to psychiatrist. I feel a lot more comfortable with my current doctor who has me see her each 3 mths for mental health chat and how I am going.

you mentioned feeling nervous about talking to your doctor. Do you feel it’s the doctor or the asking for a referral? Could writing a note asking for a referral and hand it to the doctor for him/her to read? Writing things like why you want a referral, why you feel nervous about verbally asking …. Whatever that you feel you might not be able to say. Do you think this might help the nervous feeling.

@Former-Member I'm waiting for the photos to be approved.

I think it's mostly my social anxiety and sense of shame re talking to the gp. I feel I don't deserve help especially after the last two psychologists. I feel the same way re the aged care assessment I had yesterday. I'm booked for major surgery in 2 months and will need some help afterwards during the recovery period. The gp is a nice person and asked me to see her, as she's anticipating the new referral. I guess I'm worried about finding a new therapist and starting again. I'll give thought to planning ahead what to say as I easily go blank or get tongue tied...

@Former-Member I can see your glass is awkward re size and position for curtaining or blinds. I'd be inclined to look into installing a reflective window coating.

@Dimity I honestly believe never intended in a negative way, growing up both my parents used to say about doing everything oneself and not to rely on other people.

even said with good intentions, I feel this has left me either struggling to ask for help with anything or over compensating and asking for help with lots of things.

everything with your last psychologist was not your fault. It was her beliefs and opinions that resulted in the time with her being ended as it was.

Nothing wrong with your doctor expecting to do new referral. That’s great to see that. Shows your doctor cares about you and wanting to help get the support you want. Few years ago, not long after my husband was given diagnosis of terminal cancer I asked doctor I was seeing at the time for referral to some type of counsellor plus some type of meds. Basically he brushed me off completely.

thats strange about the photos. Entire post has been approved, no emails requesting to change anything. Check of my profile shows nothing to be approved

The photos did come through eventually @Former-Member .

My parents were the same, very self-sufficient (and very few friends). I remember my grandmother once saying "God helps those who help themselves ". I don't know how she single-handedly coped looking after my grandfather when he had dementia and cancer.

I'm sure a lot of my struggles come from my reading of situations. It would be good to do schema therapy. I'm glad it's something your psychologist can help you with.

@Dimity During the approx 8 weeks with no contact with my therapist followed by the disastrous phone call during which she, “inappropriately spoke over me” ( therapists words), I started to realise for ages I had just been going with the flow. Sessions had become very similar to 2 people catching up once a month for general chat.

I started to realise mention of EMDR had my inner voice in disbelief and full negative mode. Therapist acknowledge she has not checked in with me if things were going as I wanted. She then described different therapies she is trained in for CPTSD. I was actively listening and present in the moment yet at same time my memory recalled events with a grandparent where, at age 5approx (maybe younger), I started verbally fighting with him. I loved books and was allowed to watch animal shows on TV. He insisted I should play ball sports same as his kids had. I felt the connection to the description of schema. Know in his own way he honestly loved his only grandchild but only realising know, as a kid I never felt he did. Making sense why I have almost no memories of this grandfather

Perhaps something in the relationship with your therapist at that time reminded you of your grandfather @Former-Member .

It's okay if you don't want to do EMDR, it sounds as though she's offering other options.

It sounds as though it's important to you to assert yourself... perhaps you've not had many opportunities to do that, or it hasn't felt safe. I guess that's part of our experience as c-ptsd survivors.

@Dimity I was raised that it was ok to stand up for myself and verbally express myself. Events starting from death of my uncle when I was 9yo changed that. Early teens, only way to assert myself and have myself heard was to get angry. Vicious circle of get angry so not to cry, start to cry as calming down to be told to stop crying. Circle that has repeated itself off and on for last 50 years and still does. Different events during those years that have definitely left me feeling unsafe.

dont feel like a survivor at times yet here I am providing shelter, food and love to my family, my 2 loving, attentive cats