Question

Hi,

I've been struggling with this thought for a long time, wanted to see what others think...

I always get to the idea that we have a purpose in life, and if we don't find that purpose, then life in all of its form is worthless. I come from the idea that since we are here on earth, there has to be some meaning or purpose behind it. This idea goes in a long loop, I don't want to expand too much, but because of the above, I feel so worthless, life truly is horrible and not the place for me to live. I feel like life will never be ok if I don't find any meaning behind it.

I've been struggling so much for years. Attempted suicide...I'm trying to accept therapy and think things might get better. But honestly I have this side of me that doesn't trust therapy and I'm never going to be ok.

I'm really hesitant about therapy because I'm paying so much but I'm also very desperate for some good in this world.

How can I truly believe that I can be better? And not believe that you're a complete waste of air? Is it possible? Or is it that my purpose, is to not live in this world?