Depression anxiety

@MJG017

HelloM

I can see you’re online - can you please reply to me ?

Lula

@Lula

Sorry, I missed you. I only just saw your message. I haven't been on much today, just had a really bad day I guess. How are you going?

@MJG

sorry you’re having a bad day M. I am too - I think I’m lower than I’ve ever been. It’s so hard to deal with on my own

MJG017

sorry you’re having a bad day M. I am too - I think I’m lower than I’ve ever been. It’s so hard to deal with on my own

I don’t know how much lower I can go

@MJG017

sorry you’re having a bad day M. I am too - I think I’m lower than I’ve ever been. It’s so hard to deal with on my own

I don’t know how much lower I can go

@Lula

I'm sorry you are having such a a tough time. It can feel relentless at times can't it I've given up thinking things have gotten as low as they can... it always finds a way to surprise me and get even lower. It's exhausting! All things I'm sure I don't need to tell you how hard it is

So you have anything to get your mind off things for a bit of a break? I find myself watching YouTube videos or playing games on my computer gives me those little mental breaks from everything. Even if it's just for a little while, it just helps me keep going the rest of the time. Do you still talk to those friends you mentioned at Christmas?

@MJG017

Thanks M.

The world is in such a mess and it’s hard to avoid knowing about at least some of it.

I might have said to you previously sometime that I feel a responsible adult should know the important things going on at least, but the important things have become toxic. At the same time we can’t live in a bubble and be cut right off. Complicated.

I had an activity (scrabble group) to go to today and nearly didn’t because I was so low and unmotivated, but then I pulled myself together, had a shower, dressed and went anyway, which did help.

I do watch carefully selected programs on tv, and I know about YouTube but often I’m just too tired to be bothered doing the search. I have Netflix and the same problem there - so much rubbish that I can’t be bothered with.

I do crochet/knitting at home and go to a crochet/knitting for charity group, have other craft for charity type things I could do, sewing for myself too, and have good books to read but can’t seem to settle and relax enough to sit and just read. I go to a large coffee group and the noise of about 30 women talking and laughing is quite deafening and stressful for me. I can’t manage noise I can’t turn the volume on down.

Im not coping with keeping my place tidy and organised (I used to be good at it) and some things only end up making the mess around me worse and that stresses me out too.

The ‘friends’ from Christmas are both keeping their distance now - there were a few things (not that day) I said that were mis-read (nothing awful) and neither of them will have a conversation to clarify it.

My mind is grinding along all the time and I overthink too much.

The change in medications for me has been very rough and I don’t know if it’s going to work eventually (?), or I’ll have to try something else.

All up I am so tired of it all.

I do really hope things improve for you too, at least for a while M

bye for now