Can't stop crying - what the heck is wrong with me now?

Hi @Queenie

I often don't understand where different moods/feelings have come from... especially when things seem to be going ok (though at the moment im just stuck and low). Hopefully the sleep helped a bit, perhaps your body just needed the rest.

I'm glad you've got a GP appointment in the morning and that you will be able to talk to her. Is your partner home tonight? hope that you're ok,

lj

Yeah my gf is home, but she seems to having a nice night (she's looking at places to go for a holiday with me), so I don't want to bother her with my stuff. I'm hanging out for respite, but now my gf has booked another getaway for when I am supposed to be going in. Maybe that's why I feel so awful?

oh, yes i'd imagine that would be weighing heavily... are you worried about telling her or of not coping iwthout respite? Would going away be more stress?

I think a while a go you were looking at having a counselling session together? has that happened yet?

sorry lots of questions, you don't have to answer!

lj

@Former-Member I only have counselling once a month and she is to come to my next session in early February. I want to go on this getaway with her, but I feel disappointed that my respite has been bumped back again because of it I guess. I feel like I am at breaking point.

oh sorry, @Queenie i thought it was sooner 😞 Can you ask your gf to change the dates for the getaway?

i'm sorry you're feeling like you're at breaking point. Is there anything that would help right now to feel even a little bit better? a cup of tea, watch a movie/show as a distraction etc?

lj

@Former-Member strangely enough I find pottering away on my laptop better than other forms of distraction. I could listen to music, but I have to wait until my birthday next week to get my headphones as they as a birthday present. I don't think it would be appreciated my gf and her mother if I played music otherwise. I've been trying to read 'The Soloist' by Steve Lopez (there's a movie of the same name) as it gives me hope that all is not lost. Hard to read when I'm like this though.

yay happy birthday for next week @Queenie! 😄

yes, i cant read much at the moment either. cant remember anything from page to page.

yes, i find doing stuff on the computer helps to eat away some time and distract me a bit too...

lj

hi @Queenie i hope your ok.

Hi @samt31 and @NikNik,

This have not improved today. I know I should tell my gf exactly how I feel (which is suicidal) but everytime I do that, she gets emotional and I end up comforting her and feel like my needs aren't heard properly. Thank you for thinking of me. I've told her I am hearing voices (but they should settle because I got my antipsychotic injection today), but I haven't told her how low I feel.

I wouldn't do anything because, in my past, attempts at taking your own life lead you to live a more isolated, lonely life.

Edit: I just fessed up to my gf. She got emotional and went very quiet. I asked her to take control of certain things as a harm minimisation thing. She said she is very worried.