My bpd journey

Hey @Loner57, thank you for joining the Forums and sharing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you have been through a lot and made some challenging decisions with your ex-partner. It is not easy to manage our own MH and support someone else too. You are demonstrating your strength and resilience by reaching out to your peers here in the community.

There are some other great places you can connect if you want to check them out here: Looking for a space to connect with others? Find a... - SANE Forums

Take care and thanks again for sharing with the community!

RiverSeal

Hey @Loner57 ,

Welcome to the forums. I'm hearing you @Loner57 . I have BPD, and let me just say, relationships aren't easy.

Along my journey, I've learnt a lot of skills to support me in interpersonal relationships. I'm not denying that jumping into relationships are still not scary, but I feel so much more equipped with the skills I need.

Have you had any psychotherapy to support you through your BPD journey?

Thank you RiverSeal for your warm, supportive and comforting welcome, you've reassured me that I have come to the right place.

Thank you tyme for your warm welcome. I haven't as yet engaged in any therapy. What I have done is investigate and pinpoint the origins and specific nature of the emotional abuse which began from my birth. My mother inadvertantly gave me the clue (when I was in my early 40's) to understanding the origin of my bpd. My mother was desperate to have a daughter. I have three brothers, two older, one younger though she had six pregnancies. The first was a still born girl, second was my oldest brother, third was another still born girl, fourth was my second oldest brother, fifth was me then two years later the sixth, my younger brother. This is what my mother told me, more than once about my conception. "There were two tadpoles fighting to get into the egg." She then drew her right hand to her left hip and flicked her finger saying "Shoo you!" She paused, looked at me and said "It was the wrong one!" Given the alternating sequence of girl/boy in her pregnancies, she expected me to be a girl and felt like she had robbed herself of what she desperately wanted. After her final attempt to have a daughter she then proceeded to subconsciously groom me to fulfill her emotional expectations for a daughter. Of the four of we boys I stood out, blonde, bright and beautiful. My father's contribution was to punish me for the effects that had upon me by making me feel inadequate as man.

"The wrong one!" encapsulated how I felt about myself my whole life, like I was a usurper with no right to my own existance.

I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened @Loner57 . I hear the pain this must cause you even up to this day.

Would you consider speaking to a professional about what you are going through?

I just want to say, BPD is very treatable. For many borderlines, they've grown up coping the best way they can. It is not your fault at all.

For me, it was about unlearning and relearning how to cope better and to practice helpful thinking patterns.

Thank you tyme for your considerate response. Joining this forum and sharing my story required a huge leap of faith for me but I'm so glad I did. Your and RiverSeal's responses have made me feel safe in doing so and for that I am exceedingly grateful. I am giving serious consideration to seeking professional help however I live in semi rural NSW near Gloucester where mental health practitioners are not readily available and I am as yet uncertain about that course of action.

Hey @Loner57 ,

I've got two services you may be interested in:

1) SANE's pilot RecoveryClub: https://www.sane.org/recovery-club?highlight=WyJyZWNvdmVyeWNsdWIiXQ==

2) SANE Guided Service (may be a wait with this one and is postcode-dependent): https://www.sane.org/referral

3) Spectrum psychoeducation sessions: https://www.spectrumbpd.com.au/education-training/training-for-the-community

Great to have you on the Sunday Hangout tonight 🙂

Hi tyme, I really enjoyed the Sunday Hangout, looking forward to next one. Thanks for the links, I registered for the Recovery Club but haven't booked any sessions, the Skype thing is too challenging for me, social anxiety is a big issue for me. I'm doing well despite that and at the moment the Sunday Hangout is sufficient. I do have a couple of friends I visit occassionally and my adult daughter who all know about my condition and are very supportive and as my tagname suggests, I don't need much social contact and I've devised my own strategy to manage my bpd and it seems to be working so far.