Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

hey @D1ng0 so lovely to hear from you!!! that's totally okay if you don't know what to say, there's no right or wrong thing, and no pressure to say anything either. took me a while to find my words too, honestly listening to songs that i related to weirdly helped find the words at times!

we're always here for you, hope you've been kind to yourself 💗

Thank you again @Jynx and @rav3n 😊

I am externalising my thoughts as much as I can, with my psychologist and my eating disorder dietician. I'm also trying to communicate my needs/issues to family and friends, which is very hard. (I don't even have many friends, but it's still exhausting.) I feel like I'm constantly analysing what I'm feeling and what's going on, just to stay afloat... which is why talking about my mental health online just feels too tiring, on top. But I know there's benefit in it. So I'll keep coming back when I can.

@D1ng0 I would never want to encourage you to refrain from seeking support, but I am wondering if perhaps the constant analysis and re-telling of story could potentially be working against you? Life is all about balance after all, and sometimes if we think something is supposed to help us we can push ourselves to keep doing it, even if we don't have the energy for it! I think it's entirely possible to burn out on recovery - it's hard work!

I'm not saying that this is what you're experiencing, just offering some food for reflection - do you think this resonates?

Also please do not feel any obligation to rush a reply my friend, if your energy is super impacted you gotta protect it!! I hope things ease off for you soon 😊💜

Hey @Jynx, thank you for making the suggestion. I know what you're referring to, because I've definitely done too much therapy in the past, when what I actually needed was to back off and let the dust settle.

That's definitely not my situation right now, though. I still don't know enough about my bulimia to manage it without frequent guidance from a specialist, and every session I'm learning something new, which makes day-to-day functioning possible. (I didn't know a lot about living with EDs before I was diagnosed with one, tbh.) And it's exhausting to unpack things in psych sessions, but it's really rewarding. I've actually reached a stage where I'm telling my psychologist things that I've never told anybody, which feels like a lot of progress.

I've never lived with this many mental illnesses and a physical disability at the same time. I need a lot of help. I won't need this much help forever (I hope), but right now I need to keep up momentum. When I have recently slowed down my mental health treatments, I haven't felt any benefit. I've just stopped functioning altogether and everything has spiralled. I really don't want to claw my way back from there again. Being less active on this forum has been one way of preventing burn-out, actually.

@D1ng0 thank you for taking the time to explain it to me! I actually really appreciate it 😊

Aye that makes sense, it sounds like you're doing quite a bit of growing! I have found across my recovery that my healing tends to come in waves, where I'll stagnate for a bit then make a whole bunch of progress at once. Those times are really exhausting, but incredibly rewarding, like you say!

I appreciate you taking the time to express this, and for the update! If staying off forums has been a relief, then I am all for it - and keenly await to hear of your adventures in recovery when you have more energy for it! 💜🫂