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Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

D1ng0Senior Contributor

Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

I recently made a post about feeling okay, and managing well. I'm not okay now. I feel extremely depressed and alone. My mood swings are getting more and more intense, but the highs aren't intense. Just the lows. (I'm not manic/bipolar. Purely depressed.) I woke up fine this morning, but now I feel awful.

It would just be nice to feel cared for, even a bit.

Does anyone have advice about handling mood swings which can turn within hours? It wouldn't surprise me if I'm fine again tomorrow morning. Or I'll be in this severe depression for weeks. I don't know anymore. It's harder to predict. I was genuinely doing well yesterday. I actually felt good. But now I'm so far from that. It's getting scarier.

I'm going to keep forcing myself to go through the motions. Even when I barely have any energy, I'll just try to keep functioning. And hopefully another day like yesterday will come along. But in the meantime, does anyone have any advice about depression mood swings, and how to deal with them? Or just some kind words.

If context is needed for advice/solidarity, I have bulimia nervosa, depression, anxiety, alcohol use disorder (sober 2+ years), and chronic pain. Other stuff too.

TW: Suicidal thoughts.

Content/trigger warning
I am having suicidal thoughts. I can't go to the ED or call 000 though, because the past 2 times were horrific and left me with even more trauma... so please don't suggest that. I think I'm safe right now. I just want to let someone know how bad I'm feeling, and get some emotional support, so that's why I'm making this post. My family can't handle hearing I'm suicidal. I don't think I can tell them.

65 replies

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In response to: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

D1ng0Senior Contributor

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

Thanks again @tyme, it definitely is. I feel like it'd be so easy to just stop functioning, which would definitely involve relapsing or falling back into my bulimic patterns. But I really don't want to feel worse. So I kinda feel like I'm stuck in a holding pattern. I'm hopeful I'll be happier again someday soon, since I felt okay recently, before the latest mood swing. Just holding out for that to come.

I hope you can get the work done ASAP, I really empathise. I am also having an early night and trying again tomorrow 🙂 I hate that I make the pile of work bigger by procrastinating, too... Why would I do that to myself 😅 I'm sure others can relate. Anyway, I hope tomorrow is kind to you.

Honestly, a lot of my free time is watching happy/chilled Youtube videos these days. Helps to disconnect from everything. Do you have hobbies which help as a distraction?

In response to: Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

tymeModerator

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

Hobbies? I don't have time for hobbies. My life is too full and overflowing. I think that is my distraction.

In my mind, I think I say to myself that MH held me back for 15 years, now is the time I need to make up for lost time. I don't have a single moment to slow down or breathe, but I'm pretty okay with that for now. @D1ng0

I know it doesn't sound healthy, but it works for me. When it doesn't, I can re-evaluate.

Have you heard of InsideOut? https://insideoutinstitute.org.au/

In response to: Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

D1ng0Senior Contributor

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

@tyme Fair enough, if that works for you 👍

Yep, I know about InsideOut. I'm diagnosed with Bulimia now so I'm pretty deep in the process and familiar with the mainstream ED resources.

In response to: Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

rav3nSenior Contributor

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

hey @D1ng0 hope your week's been off to a good start. hope you were able to catch some sunshine too, its been a natural mood-booster for me today 😊

In response to: Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

D1ng0Senior Contributor

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

Hey @rav3n thank you for sending positive vibes my way 🙂 I'm glad you enjoyed some sunlight. I'm okay, not the best but not the worst. In a lot of physical pain. I'm hoping I'll be more mobile tomorrow and able to soak up the sun.

In response to: Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

rav3nSenior Contributor

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

glad you're doing okay, i know with physical pain it can be even harder to get through the day - hopefully you get some pain relief soon, here for you @D1ng0 ‌‌💝

In response to: Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

D1ng0Senior Contributor

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

@rav3n Thank you! I've taken my night meds and am going to sleep now... sleep is honestly the most effective pain relief for me, it's like a hard reset 😁 Hope you have a good night

In response to: Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

rav3nSenior Contributor

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

that's great, sleep well @D1ng0! hope you have a good night too, chat more tomorrow 😊

In response to: Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

tymeModerator

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

Good to hear @D1ng0 . I only just came across InsideOut and thought it looked pretty cool. Hence I mentioned it.

I hope you are able to rest up.

Here for you.

In response to: Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

tymeModerator

Re: Unpredictable mood swings, depressed again

How are you today @D1ng0 ?

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