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Feeling a bit lost.

dwgCasual Contributor13 July 2024, 9:48 am AEST

Feeling a bit lost.

Hi everyone, I am new to SANE and would really love some guidance and support.

My cousin, who is like a brother to me, is currently on his first involuntary hold at the hospital through Triage due to Psychosis after experiencing paranoid hallucinations and beliefs.
It's been an emotionally draining rollercoaster as the doctors try to figure out the cause
We originally thought he was just a bit quiet and had depression which has triggered Psychosis but now the doctors believe he actually has Schizophrenia and that he's been experiencing Psychosis for many years.

My mother and I are his only support as he has never made friends and we have no other family here.
My mother, although high functioning, has her own mental health issues and does not have the capacity to accept or process what is happening, nor be a logistical support for him.
I am in my 30s, live interstate and have now had to step in to be the decision maker and carer.

My cousin's beliefs are so strong that he believes there is nothing wrong with him and that the symptoms he was feeling (i.e. memory lapse, trouble thinking clearly) were caused by a man injecting him with drugs. He also does not believe he needs to be in the hospital and does not want to take his medication. I understand that we shouldn't go against his beliefs but try to understand what he is feeling but it feels so useless having these conversations when they don't make any progress.

I feel an overwhelming concern on what the next stages are going to look like and how it will start to affect my life. As he is completely alone and he does not understand his own mental health, I am scared that he will decline and relapse unless I step in and help him. He has also lived with my mother since he was 5 and still lives there despite being 32. I am worried about him going back there after he is discharged from the hospital as it is not a healthy home to be in when mental health is a concern but he does not have the finances to move out.

I have been seeing my counsellor/support for a few years to deal with my own mental health but I am starting to worry as he is still in hospital and it has already started to impact my life and my own mental health.

As there is not a lot of information available and every journey is different, I guess what I'm looking for is what the next steps are going to look like and maybe some clarity. Is there any hope here or will I have to ultimately make the decision to either compromise my own life or step back at the risk of everything falling apart? Will he ever realise that he experienced Psychosis or that he needs help with his mental health?
He means a lot to me and I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility.

I've read every single article online about how to handle Psychosis or Schizophrenia but as I'm sure some of you can relate, it doesn't really equip you or provide any clarity about what's happening in real life.
I also don't feel like this is something I can talk to my friends or partner about.
They always mean well and try to say the right things, but at the end of the day it makes me feel more disconnected and alone as they do not understand.
I'm working long hours at work to make up for the time I'm taking off to help my cousin, my bank account is essentially drained, I don't want to socialise with my friends as I just feel so lost and confused, I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about everything and even when I try to practice the things I've learn through my own mental health journey, I ultimately just feel alone, exhausted and scared.

Sorry for the long paragraph and life story - just feeling really lost at the moment.
Appreciate any help or guidance.

9 replies

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In response to: Feeling a bit lost.

lolaSenior Contributor13 July 2024, 10:01 am AEST

Re: Feeling a bit lost.

Hi dwg
Welcome, sounds like a lot to handle at the moment. You have demonstrated resilience in dealing with this
I am sure you will soon get supportive responses from Forum members.
take care,
lola, one of the moderators

In response to: Feeling a bit lost.

HealandloveSenior Contributor13 July 2024, 1:09 pm AEST

Re: Feeling a bit lost.

@dwg welcome to the Forum! It is full of love and support. @PizzaMondo @tyme @RiverSeal

I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this.

I can relate in the sense that I am my husband's only support person with his complex ptsd and although he seems high functioning, every day it can be a struggle. I don't know much about schizophrenia so I don't have any practical advice but I just want you to know that I understand how isolating, stressful and exhausting this all is.

Is there absolutely no one that can help? Does your cousin have any siblings or other family that can help?

Or friends?

Sitting with you and sending you a virtual hug 🫂 hoping it makes you feel less alone.

❤️

In response to: Re: Feeling a bit lost.

StoutSenior Contributor14 July 2024, 6:29 am AEST

Re: Feeling a bit lost.

Hi @dwg

As your the appointed decision maker, it would be vital that you establish whether or not this dude injected him. These days, the first one and only hit can have devastating effects.

If true everybody might be lucky, he'll recover with support and his own care. The ward stay will be devastating on its own. Has he always been different is another question.

Be careful of labels.

In response to: Re: Feeling a bit lost.

dwgCasual Contributor14 July 2024, 8:55 am AEST

Re: Feeling a bit lost.

Thanks @lola.
I really appreciate it.

In response to: Re: Feeling a bit lost.

dwgCasual Contributor14 July 2024, 9:02 am AEST

Re: Feeling a bit lost.

Hi @Healandlove,

Thank you so much for sharing and I'm so sorry that you have been going through this alone. The simple act of sharing this can truly make all the difference and I'm so sorry that you don't have this - it truly is isolating. Luckily there are resources like this forum that can hopefully help a little.

Unfortunately he does not have any siblings and no other family/friends that can help.

I really appreciate your message as it definitely has helped being able to connect with someone who understands what this may feel like. Sending many virtual hugs your way ❤️

In response to: Re: Feeling a bit lost.

dwgCasual Contributor14 July 2024, 9:10 am AEST

Re: Feeling a bit lost.

Hi @Stout,

Thanks for your message and for outlining your concerns. I understand where you are coming from however my mother was with him at the time and said that they did not see anyone near him. He has also had many beliefs prior to this 'injection' that display extreme paranoia that all vary in locations, details and levels. These beliefs do not make sense to someone who is not experiencing his version of reality.
When I mentioned the 'injection' this is solely in reference to the symptoms such as memory lapse that is reality to both myself and him. I didn't want to go into too much detail as I'm aware of how long my initial post was.

I really wish it was as simple as that however I will take your advice on board and continue to be careful and questions things throughout the rest of this process.

In response to: Re: Feeling a bit lost.

HealandloveSenior Contributor14 July 2024, 4:46 pm AEST

Re: Feeling a bit lost.

@dwg thank you for your kind words.

We are here for each other.

Hope there are positive things in your day today.

Sending you hugs too 🥰

In response to: Feeling a bit lost.

8ppleTreeSenior Contributor15 July 2024, 10:40 am AEST

Re: Feeling a bit lost.

Hi @dwg

Thanks for reaching out and sharing your experience with us. It can be quite the emotional responsibility to take on when we care for others. Even if our intentions are good and our methods are ethical, there is still the degree to which we internalise the role. Maybe this is due to factors that we can see, ie choices that will need to be made in the future that may cause internal conflict, or due to the risks associated with the person whom we're caring for, the economic and social impacts, etc. It can be complex. It's good that you have supports in place for yourself now.

You deserve to be heard and commended for the care you're showing, but also know that you may need to put extra supports and strategies in place during this time.

Being able to put a support strategy in place for you and his mother now may help to create some certainty and ease the load as this may need to be a fluctuating situation while things are being sorted out.

You might be able to get further helpful information here:

Home | Carer Gateway

There may also be a carer's payment through Centrelink you or his mother may be eligible for, which may be useful for you now or in the future.

https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/carer-payment

As for will someone ever realise the extent of their psychosis? that can vary. Depending on how his treatment proceeds, there may be a need for further community supports, assessments, etc.

It may take a little time for medications to settle.

Hope you can continue to take it a day at a time. This may mean that the right supports come into all your lives now. It might just take a bit of sorting out. Keep reaching out and take the time you need, too.

In response to: Feeling a bit lost.

defaultusernameSenior Contributor19 July 2024, 3:53 pm AEST

Re: Feeling a bit lost.

Hi @dwg,

Thank you for sharing what sounds like a very difficult situation for you right now.

I think your family (especially your cousin) are very lucky to have you step up into the caring role for him. You are very kind and understanding with how you describe his situation and that of your Aunty's, it shows what a caring person you are.

That's great that you have your own supports in place. And I think that there is always hope until there isn't… and as you said, everyone's journey is different, so it's hard to say what may or may not happen. Just wait and see how his treatment goes. I'm sure someone will talk you through the next steps when he is closer to being discharged, but definitely explain your concerns and current situation with them so that they understand the complexities.

I think the suggestions made previously by @Healandlove and @8ppleTree are wonderful, reaching out to the CarerGateway and seeing if you're entitled to any Carer's payments to help make things a bit easier for you. As well as looking into any other carer supports (such as a carer support worker) local to you:

As hard as it is having your whole life on hold, I'm sure you will know more soon, and only you know what you are willing and able to do moving forward.

There's no need to apologise, we're all here for you — so please don't be a stranger.

I hope that you have some answers soon and that things start to get easier for you.

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