Best Friends Club

@Jynx

I have this person in my life that I met at one of my community groups, I let her in to my closest circle, interacting with my best and dearest friends.

One of those friends is in a wheelchair and was diagnosed with autism level 2.

This particular community group started up again yesterday and she was there... I blatantly ignored her because I had no idea how to interact with her, I didn't want anything to do with her.

The person was her typical self and didn't understand why I was ignoring her.

One of the others said that I need to try and be polite...

I wrote this and wanted your opinion on it

To [name]

I don't hate you.

I hate what you did.

I hate your excuses.

I hate your inability to take responsibility for your decisions and your actions.

The amount of hurt your decisions and actions caused goes beyond me.

You hurt my best friend.

You lied to me about respecting the decision we as a group made and instead overwhelmed her with your inability to accept the decision. Even mentioning your name has her in tears every time.

Your actions were consistently hurtful, inconsiderate and disrespectful with the group.

Even after six months of joining us you still didn't consider how your actions affect others. How you refused to come out and say goodbye to [best friend], how you were outright hurtful when I tried so hard to include you in that first birthday you had with us. Also how you constantly teased me about the diamond art that I so badly wanted and refused to give it back. Your actions were selfish and manipulative.

Furthermore it was your desire to not want to change, simply making excuses, blaming your mother, you didn't seek to improve, to sincerely apologise which does involve a desire to change and proof of effort to change.

When you asked me to lie to Centrelink you had no idea the gravity of your actions. In asking me you were saying that I needed to be willing to go to prison for you to have a roof over my head. I was homeless and your actions meant that I stayed that way.

There is no hope for friendship between us.

Do not expect me to make conversation with you.

Politeness will take time but don't expect it anytime soon.

These are my boundaries. I need you to respect them.

Your actions have consequences, the consequence being our friendship.

hiya @PeppyPatti @Oaktree @avant-garde @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Hopeandlove

how's everyone's Tuesday going!? ☀️

Hello @rav3n . My day had been going ok but it's all starting to come crashing down.

How has your day been?

@avant-garde I can really sense the immense emotions that I imagine have gone into this message. Sounds like you're truly content to wash your hands of this friendship, so I have no notes on your message; it reads to me as someone who is fed up, and now needs to advocate for their own needs.

Sometimes when I'm writing big emotional messages like this, I find it super helpful to do a first draft where I get all the feelings out, then I have a think about what I actually want as an outcome, and tweak the message accordingly. What kind of outcome are you looking for?

Also in my opinion, you do not owe this person politeness. You don't seem like the sort to go out of your way to be mean, and you don't have to bend over backwards making yourself uncomfortable just to try to make someone else more comfortable.

@Jynx

Ideally I want her to leave and never come back.

I want her to be repentant and respectful.

Yesterday she just pretended like nothing happened like we were absolutely fine when before she went away last year she said she wanted nothing to do with me.

Her tears feel like a whole act to try and get people to feel sorry for her, that I'm the bad guy here.

I did nothing wrong but it's hard when everyone else thinks I did because that's how she paints it...

She's toxic to me and I need her to leave me alone...

Hey @Former-Member what's going on to bring things crashing down?

Here for you 💜

@avant-garde gotcha - yeah that is absolutely fair, it is soooo hard too when it kinda spreads out to the community, and everyone has to have an opinion regardless of how involved they are.

Do you have some folks who you feel like are more on your side/willing to give you the benefit of the doubt?

@Ru-bee being hurt again 😞.

Hah @avant-garde

Good writing.

may I ask you a question?
this person in my eyes sounds like she’s troubled. Maybe she doesn’t have support like sane forums give you??

sorry if I’m being obtuse. Maybe I’m giving myself tickets thinking I give you support like @Glisten @TAB @ @Oaktree @Jynx @Former-Member @rav3n

does so apologies……

I digress…..

please don’t think I don’t get it, I have someone harassing me with their own mess. It’s difficult.

but you have done the best you can in this friendship. You have said hello

you probably have smiled.

im asking you to let it go. We here are vulnerable. We are not mean or bad but we are gentle here.

im asking you to remember you. You are imaginative

a poet !

you survive

you are kind, I remember posts to me where you have settled me down.

there are many parts of all of us here. you show your goodness a lot.

perhaps, we don’t need to think about it but maybe she needs space to remember her goodness which makes sense???

sorry if I’m wrong.

@Jynx

It's run at a community centre and the manager doesn't like outside issues affecting the normally good natured group. I've had interpersonal issues in the past and don't want to be asked to leave because of being marked the bully.

I have a few that see through the act and understand the circumstances and it helps that they were there for me last year when it fell through.