@PeppyPatti wrote:
Dear MJG017
Thanks for your response. I understand what you're saying about not choosing our emotions. We often feel things deeply, and it can be challenging to manage those feelings.
However, I believe that while we can't control how we feel, we can control how we react to those feelings. It's about taking a moment, recognizing the emotion, and then choosing a response that aligns with our values and goals.
It's a skill that takes practice, but it can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships. .....
This is something I'm working on.
@PeppyPattiYou're so right about controlling our own reactions. I've recently discovered the idea of the 'hand model of the brain'. I've mentioned it a couple of times, but i'm not sure where exactly. Basically our hand represents out brain with the wrist as the brain stem. The thumb is the emotional brain and is tucked into the palm. The fingers are the thinking brain and are usually closed into a fist covering the emotion brain (thumb). If our emotion brain becomes to dominant, through trauma for example, then the thinking brain (fingers) open up and expose the emotional brain, which then makes decisions based on emotional reactions without really thinking about it. I've seen this referred to as "flipping your top" or "flipping your lid". So if this happens a lot then we need to learn to take a bit of time, let the thinking brain regain control by protecting the emotional brain (fingers close around the thumb) and we can then make more rational calm decisions, not based on emotional reactions.
I learnt about this from some training about working with children who have experienced a lot of trauma, therefore their emotional brain dominates. But I've found it very helpful for myself and it sounds like you are way ahead of me but it is something we are both working on it. I just found this hand model a nice way to visualise it and it helps me a lot to understand why I feel the way I do at times... and make the decisions I do, especially when stressed.
