Share and start healing

Hi, new to this but need to start my own healing process and do the best I can for my kids. It’s difficult to summarise my situation as I have been in a relationship with my husband for 30 years and despite my constant pleading to get help and diagnosis he continues to spiral down. I am guessing it’s IED best case but could be other. Whilst he is not physically abusive except for smashing thing or punching walls the verbal, emotional output over the years has taken its toll. We have 3 older teen kids and I worry about the long term impact on them, particularly my youngest who is very sensitive and reactive to emotional surroundings. I have noticed recently the outburst have not been directed at me but now the abuse is being thrown at the kids, it hurts my heart more than anything he could ever say or do to me individually. Anyway, looking for advice on where do I go for guidance and ensuring the kids can grow emotionally and be ok. Lots of google searches only give advice on how to support the mentally unstable partner but not supporting those living with them. He won’t get help, he thinks it’s everyone else’s fault. Any words of wisdom will be appreciated, thanks.