FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Friends, families and carers

New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

What a week this has been 😞

Not sure where to start here, after being absent for a while, I checked in a month or so ago to report that everything was our version of steady. My period of not checking in was purely a lack of capacity after returning to full time employment while still in a caring role. Operating at above 100% capacity. Primarily supporting my Darling who lives with BPD, (Seeking support for my Darling is how I found the forums) , S1 with an intellectual disability, S3 with ASD and FIL.

Well, last week the status has changed again with the passing of my father-in-law,

It has occurred to me that for the past couple of years our lives have revolved around Dad,

And I am ok with that, he is totally worthy of that. He has been a significant support over many years to our family.

The point of this is that I now need to be intentional in how I fill that void, I need to stay glued for my family to function. Darling now more than ever needs my support to adjust to life without her Dad.

And my children who adored their grandad.

Thinking about some goals for self care and interested in other peoples strategies.

It has occurred to me that I perhaps have not been looking after myself as well as I should have despite convincing myself I am ok.

I have been added to a waiting list for a grief and loss course through carer gateway.
I received an email seeking expressions of interest the morning after Dad passed.

This will be a good start.

Things that I want to achieve included

- Better diet

- More consistent exercise (Cycling)

- Time out with Darling, return to our motorcycle adventures that ceased when Dad went into care.

- Complete an NDIS review for S1 to get supports for independent living so I can relinquish some micro managing to better qualified people.

- Some self paced study.

- Gardening and home maintenance. Have big plans for the garden that is in a state of disrepair.

- Generally being more chilled and present for my family.

78 replies

41 - 50 of 78
1...456...8

In response to: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Had some wins yesterday @tyme

Today has been a write off.

Promised fixes at work to resolve issues yesterday. (Fixes promised without actually addressing a complaint I made)

Either way while the approach was disappointing it was a win.

Some hiccups today have raised (in my mind) if I have the resilience to continue in this space. If I can hang on for 5 more week until Christmas break I may be ok but not sure I can.

Perfectly safe, just exhausted from stress at work. Someone's personal story this morning has had me on the brink of tears all day. In fact I burst into tears this morning when I was told. Foot in mouth moment at work. Had a solution for something and got a gentle, fyi that won't work because 😭

In response to: Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Earlier in the week we renewed a safety plan for Darling. That was a win.

I need all of my energy to support Darling, and I am wasting it at work. 💤 😴

In response to: Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

At least you had some wins @Determined . Can't complain there even though the way it was executed wasn't ideal.

Hang in there mate. I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.

I'm thinking of you. I hold you close to my heart because I know you are doing your best.

In response to: Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

...

In response to: Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

...

In response to: Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

It has been a while since I visited the forums, mostly due to capacity.

I debated if I should start a new thread but found this one I had forgotten about, the title fits and previous pages provide context, so here we go.....

Disclaimer, while not ok, I am safe.

If anything seems vague it is to avoid breaching guidelines..

So the last 2 weeks of work have broken me. The last 4 or 5 months have been a mess but the last 2 weeks have finished me off. I gave notice this week effective immediately. I was required by contract to give 2 weeks notice, I supplied my resignation letter with a medical certificate for 4 weeks off work.

This sits really badly with me, I left without talking to many people I actually care about.

I was in a role best described as operational/ technical support without being too specific. In my mind while the actual role is technical for me it was about the personal connections with people.

So walking away without actually talking to these people hurts. I could not however do another day.

I am still fielding questions remotely for handover for the next week. This is an example of why job diversity is good and reliance on a single person is stupid from a leadership point of view, and evidence that leadership is actually clueless to the scope of my job. Also the reason my former supervisor quit and was not replaced.

In response to: Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

So here I am broken to the point of being unable to make basic decisions.

A morning trip to town with family and home for a 2 hour sleep to recover.

Hence the return to

New season

New goals and

New commitment to self care.

I want to get back into regular walking and cycling. Dust off the motorcycle and also get back into the garden.

In response to: Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Oh hun @Determined .

I'm sorry this has happened. I hear how much this hurts and I feel it. Because it happened to me too. I just couldn't take the workplace anymore. It was terrible. My knowledge and skills were not acknowledged and I was side-lined even though I was doing so much. In the end, enough was enough. I told everyone I was leaving and left. I mean, I texted everyone I knew. And it's a big workplace with over 300 people.

Whilst it was a relief, the pain of the loss hit hard. I was at the workplace for 10 years and saw it grow from the beginning. I had a lot of connections that I'd never got to say goodbye to. And yes, it took weeks to recover. I took time off as I had nearly 6 months worth of leave to utilise. I was mentally in a terribly state to the point of being numb, unable to do even the basic of basic things.

@Determined , it will take time to work through this grief. Whilst you know it's probably the decision you needed to make, it doesn't make it any easier. And look, I'm a pretty strong person, but even then, it broke me. I felt a significant loss - not for the sake of management, but all those who'd I'd connected with.

You are really not alone in this. I feel your pain and I acknowledge grief is involved.

During the time, I ensured I slept, ate and exercised on a regular basis. This was very helpful. It didn't take away the pain, but it meant I wasn't bogged down and hurt for longer than was necessary.

Hugs

In response to: Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Thanks @tyme

Have been here before.

Jumping ship a bit earlier this time.

I did not work full time for 9 years after my last burnout. This round has triggered a world of memories and hurt I thought I had delt with.

I am able to take this break with the generous financial support of family.

The final straw this time was management telling me I am unapproachable and people are complaining about my standard of support. Staff I work with are saying quite the opposite. Just management gaslighting to deflect the fallout of having 1 person covering the work of 2, with the departing staff member being highly experienced and the person left (me) being new in this field.

This has resulted in an unavoidable reduction in service delivery despite working longer hours.

What staff have been saying is that determined needs help he is sinking and we are concerned about his well-being.

This vent aside I want this space to focus on the wins for the goals stated above.

My only regret with the job I have just left is not leaving 5 months ago. I wanted to but was scared around providing for my family.

This space prior to that has been an amazing space for growth and healing.

We will manage financially, I just like to be self sufficient. That is a pride thing that I need to address because it is in this context unhealthy.

In response to: Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Re: New season, new goals, reset and new commitment to self care...

Hugs @Determined , here for you my friend 🧡

Mr shaz has ASD added to his diagnosis

@tyme ,

41 - 50 of 78
1...456...8