Carer mental health and supporting a loved one with alzheimer's disease

Without sounding harsh, would helping out to do SOMETHING be an expectation of living in anyone's house, including his own? @Dep1967

I'm moreso thinking that if there is no guidance or boundaries to his stay, you may end up finding yourself burnt out if you aren't already.

Boundaries or guidelines can be:

1) paying board

2) having a set time he can stay for (at least he needs to help himself)

3) picking chores to complete

4) or anything that will support his independence.

Of course, this is just a suggestion. Only you know your situation best.

Hi all

Does anyone else have to deal with an angry relative/friend?

I know my mums diagnosis is in its early stages but she is so angry. I think it is from being diagnosed and that she gets angry with herself from not being able to do things. The problem is, is that she takes all her anger out on me.

I'm selfish, I don't check on her enough, I don't do anything for her, I don't understand, I forget to do things for her, I've got no compassion, the list goes on.

I have tried to get her to counselling but she thinks it is just a waste of time. She just responds with 'they do not have it, how can they understand'. I have tried to tell her that the counsellers have had someone close to them who has gone through or is going through what she is going through at the moment, but she just ignores me.

I am trying my best to just ignore what she is saying but it is taking a toll on my own MH. My pdoc mentioned in patient treatment, but how can I possible do that when she has only me to look after her.

Hi @Snowie

It sounds like there is so much weight on your shoulders, adding to this having your mother's anger directed at you and it's completely understandable that it'd be taking a toll on your MH.

Given that your mother doesn't want to speak to a counsellor who isn't going through the same experience as her, do you think she may be more open to connecting with a peer-support group?

Hi @Ru-bee

I have never thought of a peer support group. Maybe it is something that I need to look into. Thanks for the suggestion.

Even though she doesn't want to go, I am going to push her to do the counselling sessions. She can get 8 sessions for free. I feel like she needs to at least go to one to see what it is like. If she then doesn't want to do them than so be it.

They are still a wait of about 4 months however. Just like everything else.

I do have a brother (who I don't see) but he doesn't do anything so the weight is put onto my shoulders.

@Snowie I only became aware of support groups after my dad started going to one last year after recovering from cancer treatment (very successful treatment thankfully).

I had been nudging him towards counselling but he was pretty resistant, instead he started going to this support group regularly which let me feel like I could breathe a little bit because I knew he was getting some support elsewhere and it took a bit of the pressure off me and my family.

I still think counselling is always a good idea, and I hope your mum becomes more open to the idea, maybe the wait for sessions can help to soften her to the idea a little

@Ru-bee the problem with a support group is that we live rural, so any group will require a drive, which of course I will have to drive her too.

I love living rural but it does mean less services out our way.

I also want her to get a mental health plan (she already had depression) from the gp so she can get some psych sessions for free too. She is resistant to that also 🤦‍♀️

Next time I go to the gp with her I am just going to ask. She will be mad at me but so be it. If I don't get told of for that I will for something else anyway 🤷‍♀️

I'm glad you Dad's treatment was successful.

Hi tyme

i just found out our 32 year old son has been evicted and is asking to move back home. He is at rock bottom recovering from major shoulder reconstruction from work accident. I hope he allows me to direct him to do what it takes and to stop gaming and screen entertainment all day. Even as a person in his 20s he wouldn’t cooperate with parents, blaming everything on being depressed to not help him self. I could go on and on. I’m just worried