Feeling ugly and beautiful at the same time, not dealing with life

this may be hard to here. But Porn is also an addiction. it gives a false sense of gratification for the deeper issues/emotions at hand and by giving into Porn it is a way of avoiding this deep sense of unworthiness.
Breaking away from this addiction will help immensely in so many ways. It's not the way you look. It is that you have no sense of self love left and therefore compare yourself to other women. unfortunately, this will eventually turn a partner off. I am not supporting his behavior at all though. You deserve a loving man who has all the eyes for you and desires all that you are. You need to find some level of self-acceptance and worth first though. really reflect on "why you don't feel good enough? when was the first time you felt this way? and how are you still carrying that belief today?" because they are old wounds. they really aren't truths.