TW: Understanding Self Harm

Hey @tyme Self harm is a pretty big topic. I'm doing ok, thanks for asking. I did the mindfulness exercise myself so that was good. Hoping every one else is ok.

Hey @tyme

I was doing well over the day, but now I'm alone again and the thoughts just come back. It feels like when I'm with others I can't self harm because I don't want anyone to know. Being alone feels like I have the chance to self harm.

Peps

Hey @peps that makes sense I think, as being alone means being away from the potential of being shamed and judged for your attempt to cope with heavy feelings. Are you concerned about wantingg to self-harm tonight? We have some info and some self-help strategies you could look into. Sometimes it's just about riding the wave - typically, the kinds of heavy feelings associated with self-harm urges do lessen over time, and it can just be about finding distractions or using other coping strategies to help us get past that point of intensity.

Sitting with you 💜

Hey @Jynx I am thinking about self harm a lot tonight but doing my best not to act on it. Thank you for the resources I will have a look. I think I'm must worried about what will happen if I do act on the thoughts and what that means for my mental health in the future. I don't want to make things worse.

Peps

@peps you're very welcome. I hope you're successful! And if not, there's no shame in that - progress is not always 'I didn't SH today', sometimes progress looks like, 'I held off SH for an hour today, and that's better than yesterday'.

Be gentle with yourself hun 💜

Hugs @peps ,

Please know you are not alone.

I was SH addict. I can't say it took too much effort to stop it once the underlying emotions were managed.

I'm interested to hear what you feel comes up for you when you SH?

Hi @tyme

It helps having somewhere to talk with others that have an understanding of sh. I think the biggest thing I get from sh is a sense of being able to concentrate everything to one point. It's like I get some control back from all the highly distressing emotions. It feels like without the self harm everything would go spinning off and somehow destroy me. I don't know of anything else I can do to help with all the feelings.

Peps

Hi @peps 🙂

I love that you've been able to identify that it is helpful for you to talk somewhere, especially where others have an understanding of SH. I can actually understand that aspect of gaining control back - you are in absolute control in that moment because the distressing emotions are going left, right and centre..

For me, when I think about SH it's like, okay.. I know this is my coping mechanism, I am just releasing (or numbing) all the things I am feeling that I don't wish to feel right now.. but it brings me back to, well how long can I keep putting this aside, just pushing it deeper and deeper...

I say this, because I realised my behaviours of ignoring, avoiding and hiding how I am feeling and what is going on internally for me - came out in other scary ways - through chronic pain, random outbursts and public meltdowns..

It makes me wonder @peps - what other times in your life have you felt like you're in control, and what were you doing in THAT moment that was not SH?

Warmest,
PizzaMondo 🙂

Hi @PizzaMondo

It's hard to think of times where I have felt in control like when I SH. It feels like I have little control over most things. I'm always trying to hide how I feel and find it very hard asking for help. I have had a few strange health things come up because of my mental health and I always worry what people will think. I'm not sure what I can replace the SH with when I'm having flashbacks. I feel it easier to not sh if I don't have the feeling of being out of control. It's strange part of me feels like I can't control the sh but the SH is how I control everything when my emotions are everywhere. Have you found ways of replacing the sh with healthy/safe behaviours?

A couple of suggestions I've come across @peps is to chew ice (the cold stimulates our pain receptors, which in turn causes our brain to release dopamine) or to snap a rubber band against skin.

Sometimes a distraction is also helpful - something to keep the mind busy until the urges settle down. Stuff like colouring in, or video games, or something that requires a little more focus than watching tv, tends to work better methinks.

I hope you find what works for you 💜