Support request - Parenting while mentally ill

Sounds like your doing really well. Reaching out for help and opening up a two way connection with your son will bring so much joy to both of you. I wish you all the best.

@bliffitygibbet

I feel and hear how hard this is for you. You are not alone and I am quite sure there will be helpful responses and offers coming in here to support you.

I have no children and have no experience with this...so cant offer any practical advice re parenting and custody. I guess you have already considered what the outcomes might be... if you were to take this time for yourself to get strong and healthy, knowing that your beautiful is being looked after well by his father? Fighting for custody will be stressful as you said... and you need to be strong and resilient enough to face the challenges now and moving forward.

Please look after yourself and reach out for all the supports you need...to get yourself back where you want to be. I sense you are a very caring mother and have gone through a lot. I truly from my heart wish you well and pray for the best outcomes.

Hi @bliffitygibbet

Just thought I'd say hi. you certianly are going through a lot, but you seem to very much on top of things as regards what needs to be done re your son. As @OM108 said, you must look after yourself as well, as we are no use to anytone if we ourselves aren't ok. So look after yourself, good luck with all the hurdles which you probably will have to jump, but you know you can do, as do we. Take care .......Asgard

Hi @bliffitygibbet

Whilst I'm not going through a custody battle, I do have two children who have seen me at my best and at my worst. They have had to go through self harm, suicide attempts and multiple hospital visits.

I question whether your son has told your ex what he wants. He certainly is at an age where his opinion/voice should matter.

I have tried to be as honest with my children as I can. Of course how old they are reflects how much I have told them. I have also encouraged them to ask as many questions as they want. I try and be as truthful as I can.

Please know that we are here to support you. Whilst we may not understand all, we can be here to listen.

Keep reaching out for help.

@Just @OM108 @Asgard @Snowie

Thank you all so much for the supportive and helpful messages. It really helps to know I'm not alone, and there's a whole community with lived experience out there I can ask for help. It means a lot knowing there are people who really understand what it's like to live with mental illness. Thank you!

Snowie - I've spoken to my son about what he wants, and encouraged him to let his Dad know as well. It's hard to know whether and what they're discussing, though. My ex has a history of deceptive behaviour (to put it diplomatically), and it can be difficult to get information from a child. I'm working to make sure the legal side of things includes an independent representative for him, so he can talk to someone who will act on his behalf without interference.

I also believe in being open and honest with my son. It's been difficult thinking through how to talk to him in a way that helps him feel supported, understood and safe, while also acknowledging how unwell I was. I don't want to cause him further trauma - but I know avoiding talking about it will be even worse. I'll getting help from local support services for this.

Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to make sure I'm ok before taking on the legal battle. I am ready to do it now, because I AM well enough. I'm also getting far more support than I ever have in my life. I'm confident I can do this, and it's the right thing to do for my boy. It'll be hard work, but I can't think of anything in the world that's more worthwhile.

@Just

very loving and empowering response, thank you

@bliffitygibbet

i felt so good for you, reading your declaration....that you are WELL and READY to do what it takes to have your son back! YES! We hear you loud and clear!

Keep repeating it to yourself as you march into action. Your prayers will be heard.

Strength, love, conviction and determination...and plenty of good support!

Thanks again for all the support.

I am ok, but I just feel so sad tonight. My son has been kept out of school for the past two days; I'm sure it's so that I can't pick him up, see him or regain custody. I had an appointment with his GP to make sure she'd been provided with correct and complete information, and she confirmed she hasn't given him a medical certificate.

I'm so worried for my boy. It seems he's being kept at home and isolated. His father has blocked him from contacting me, and me from contacting him. The GP said he was in tears at yesterday's appointment.

And because my ex is doing this, I can't reach out and help him. I can't talk to him or do anything to make sure he's ok. My heart is absolutely breaking for my beloved child. We need each other, and we're being kept apart.

It really, really hurts. I just wish I knew if he was ok.

Oh goodness @bliffitygibbet that would be so, so hard. I think the not-knowing is one of the most difficult things to have to sit with, especially when it's about someone we love.

I don't really have any solutions for you, and wish I could make things easier for you. It really is hard to feel helpless in situations like yours. Sometimes we just need to throw ourselves into other parts of our lives until things become clearer or it's time for next steps. Do you have mental health supports of your own? And self-care stuff lined up too?

Sending strength and solidarity hun 💜🤞

Thank you. I'm doing a lot to have our legal orders enforced - he's breaching multiple sections of our legally-binding orders, on the grounds that my PTSD is a psychological hazard to my son. Every day I add to my file of supporting evidence and line up more. I'm sure I will be ok.

But how much damage is being done to my son in the meantime? What is he being told is the reason he can't see me or speak to me, even online? When we last saw each other, neither of us wanted to let go.

I am very well supported. I see a psychologist, GP and counsellor. Every evening I catch up with wonderful friends over the phone or online. It helps to have this forum, too.

But I'm so distressed to know my son is being deliberately isolated from me and his school, where teachers and friends can look out for him and support him.

But I believe that the exact reason his father is doing this. I'm trying to line up extra support for him, and I don't even know if it'll work because I won't be able to take him to appointments, and his father wants him to be isolated so he probably won't, either.