Life after Psychosis

Hi @Rehope

Welcome to forums 🙂

I am so sorry to hear about what's happened.

I hope you can find a supportive community here ❤️

I'll start:

I've been really struggling. Isolation has really gotten me. My friendships were all casualties to my bipolar psychotic episode, it is unfortunate that they were not more forgiving. I miss some of them dearly. I know they don't really owe me anything. It is a wound that I am struggling to care for well. Making new friends feels scary and hard.

Everything feels hard.

I have spent a few months really just hanging on by really numbing all of my feelings. I don't want to live numb. I'm close to tears most of the time.

My body is sore from the inactivity. My knees are really unhappy about the medication weight and how weak my legs have become. I am hiding from life. Snippy and short with people, everything my housemates do bugs me and I am withdrawn and judmental. I don't want to be like this.

I am worried about slipping back into drug use to escape how I'm feeling.

Does anyone have similar experiences?

A month after a serious episode, not hospitalized because myself and my partner advocated for myself I knew I wasn't a danger to myself or others but I got straight onto my safety plans and now I'm in touch with my new psychologist, I've had my neauropsychiatrist appointment I'm continuing art therapy and my course which was a bit touch and go for a bit but got there in the end I even have my one big social day every week.

Hey @Rehope thanks for starting this thread, and for sharing so much of your story with us. I can hear how incredibly impactful your psychosis has been, creating ripples throughout your life and greatly diminishing your social connections. Can be so, so hard to find the way forward. I can also hear how forgiving and compassionate you're being, to those who have left your life, and to yourself and your process.

I think it'll likely take a while to process what's happened, and sometimes our brains will send us into shut down (i.e. numbness) to attempt to protect us from the pain of confronting our emotional turmoil. It can help for a time, but can also make it so much harder to function and do things we normally enjoy. It can be worked on though!

I can hear that you're worried about turning to substances to cope, which is a very understandable worry. I suppose two things come to mind that could instill some hope - first off, the very fact that you're worried is itself a protective factor. Knowing where that road leads and knowing you don't want to walk it again is its own motivator for sure. Secondly, even if you lapse, you have already proven yourself capable of stepping away from using drugs, and thus you can do so again.

Just wondering if you have much in the way of professional support? Having a safe space can make all the difference, and helps in unpacking everything, processing your emotions, and to help you build new coping skills.

I hope your recovery road gets easier, more downhill, the further you go along - and we'll be here beside you as you go 💜

Hi @Rehope

How are ye doing today and thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of courage to do so, and the honesty in your post about your fears and failures resonated in a big way with me.

I wouldn't give up on those friends of yours, the mental health environment is an alien one to most people, I know it was for me before my world decided to spectacularly implode on itself. I would reach out again to them, do they know about your diagnosis and what it entails.

I was reliant on drugs to function for over 20 years, with Covid forcing me to go cold turkey, so I really understand your fears about using again. But as @Jynx said having that fear is a good thing, as it a prime motivator not to regress. When I think of how much money I wasted on them it kills me, ok I got fleeting pleasure, but I lost friends, family and a career on account of it. Saying that I am rediscovering a new me, and I know that you will too......Asgard